A stark reminder....

This past Saturday I headed to Kal-Haven for a base building ride. I am getting there, and I want to continue to build every week. Funny as it sounds, I am racing Sunday. So I want to have some semblance of fitness.

 The race you ask.....is the Frosted Fat Tired that got rescheduled due to poor weather. It is a 4 person relay race, and the course is short. So I should be ok. All of us intend to just have fun and are mainly going to hang out. This is what happens when the wheels come off for everyone. I had 2 surgeries this year, Lisa hasn't ridden much since LJ100, and Tom took a hiatus after Coast 2 Coast....so....it will be a fun day of riding with friends. Anything more will be a bonus. 

Last Saturday I drug myself out of bed and headed out. I really didn't feel like getting out of bed, it was just a long week. I did anyway, knowing people were going to be meeting me for a ride. I had some oatmeal and headed out. It was a fairly quiet drive to Kalamazoo. When I pulled into the lot I could see a lot of cars and people mulling around. The people I didn't see...were the ones I thought were coming riding. I didn't communicate very well through the week and made assumptions that people were coming, but alas.....this was to be a solo ride. As I was getting ready a large group of people were warming up and seemingly preparing for a run. Good to see people out and active.

Once I was geared up I started down the trail. Mind wandering but still somehow focused. Have you ever been driving and realized that you were sort of checked out for around 20 minutes....and you have no idea how you got where you are without inflicting some sort of damage? Yeah, kind of like that. I was just thankful to be out and pedaling. I was calling out my passes to the walkers or runners. Most would move, some would ignore, and others still would just not care that I was there. Overall the people were friendly. 

At one point around 7.5 miles in I could see a couple walking. What I didn't see was their dog off-leash about 50 yards ahead of them. I called out "on your left" and they moved over, immediately calling their dog. He whipped around and started hauling ass back towards them. I heard the owner yell "SIT!" and he stopped dead in his track and sat as I was passing him. Good boy! Still....kind of shocked to see a dog that far away from the owners. As I continued on I passed a lady and her dog coming towards me. She stopped and grabbed her k-9 by the collar. I realized that this pooch was off-leash as well. I do understand, but with people around it seems like these people should have had their dogs leashed up. Thankfully no mishaps. 

I continued on and realized that average speed was a bit higher than the previous week. Didn't feel like a tailwind, but more on that later. I continued on and reached the 10 mile mark, where I turned back on my previous ride. I was tempting fate a bit, and kept going out towards Gobles. Eventually the trees opened up and I arrived at the M-40 crossing. I was feeling pretty good overall. I also had calories in my bottle. This was my initial test of my Hammer nutrition to see how my new stomach would handle it. I was feeling just fine. At this point I was 13 miles in.

I started back towards Kalamazoo and was surprised to feel a headwind. It made sense when I looked at my average speed. I was much faster than the previous ride, and I went further. However, I didn't feel like I was pushing the pace. I just rode a comfortable speed and it was faster. That is good news. The headwind wasn't terrible, and I actually only felt it a few places where the trees would open up. I cannot express how thankful I am that it didn't last the entire way back to 10th street. 

You can see from the laps above the difference though. I definitely worked harder coming back than I did going out. The main reason for the slower speed is the small amount of climbing and the cumulative effects of the ride. My endurance is being stressed to get this distance, so holding any sort of speed is a good sign for me. 

I was about 5 miles from the end when I got a very stark reminder about things. Well, things were put into perspective and I had to fight off some thoughts. I had been passing people and calling out "on your left" for over 20 miles. Nobody had passed me to this point. But I heard a quiet "on your left" from an approaching rider. As he passed I nodded and noticed something. He was a big dude. I mean, I am a pretty hefty guy, and he was much bigger than me. Yet, he left me behind like it was nothing. I have respect for this dude, out here killing on on a Saturday afternoon. But....negative thoughts immediately started to creep in. 

They looked a lot like this:

damn, that guy is bigger than me and he just left me behind!

all this weight I have lost...and still getting smoked by bigger dudes....what will happen in a race against lighter guys? 

why....why do I continue to do this to myself if I am not getting any faster....

and so on....

But, those thoughts didn't last very long. The mental side is a part that I am working on just as much as the physical. So I was ready to combat those ill-advised thoughts. Yes I still had them, but I was able to fight them off. Instead I reminded myself that I am 7 weeks out from major surgery. That I have barely ridden in 2024. That I am doing good on this ride and to keep moving forward. That guy probably has been riding all year. I will reach my goal eventually, and then I will see where I stack up. Doesn't even matter where I stack up, my biggest fight will always be me versus me. I had to remind myself that I am doing what I can, and that this surgery wasn't a magic bullet that would make me drop 100 pounds overnight, I still have work to do. I am doing good, and just need to continue to do good. Put those negative thoughts down, and don't carry them anymore.....they only hold you down. 

I kept spinning and was keeping that big guy in sight for a bit. Eventually I didn't see him anymore, but it was a win to stay within viewing distance for a few miles. I reached the part of the ride that I dislike the most. Its a low grade hill that feels like it will never end. Legs start to beg for mercy and then you can see a stop sign that indicates the last crossing before the trailhead. but it is a long way off still, and you just have to grind away. Finally it eases up and is a nice roll to the finish. I hit my goal of 26 miles with no mishaps. No bonking, no chipmunks, and no worries. 

Glad to be done I looked at my average speed and was pleased with what I saw. With minimal miles and a hefty mass, I will take everything I can right now. When I looked back at my 'matched rides' on Strava it gave me more encouragement. I was almost as fast as my fasted matched ride nearly 4 years ago. I can't complain about that at all.

I will tell you this though.....legs HURT on Sunday and still a bit today. All I can do is recover, push fluids, and get back at it again. I am learning my limits. I am also learning what my recovery looks like in the aftermath of surgery. I am getting closer to my goals every day. Learning every day. Striving to do better everyday. There will be bad days. There will be hiccups. But all I can do is....

Keep moving forward.

A visit to Luton Park

 I had some follow up appointments in Grand Rapids last Friday, so I threw my bike on car. I figured I would head to Luton since I was in the neighborhood, and didn't feel like working. My appointments were done around 11:30 so I headed a bit further north to Rockford.

When I arrived I was honestly shocked at the number of cars in the parking lot. For it being a week day around noon, it was fairly busy. I geared up and headed out.

This trail is so well used that its like a highway through the woods. The good news is that it isn't super wide, just well worn in. You can see the start of fall for sure, with all the leaves. 

I rode through each section of the Yellow, orange, black, red, and green. Each of these sections is just a little different. The yellow has a few sweeping drops. The orange gets a bit rocky and offers some pine needle bed surfaces. It goes from a gravely sound to very quiet when you transition between the surfaces. 

The section above is towards the end of the Black loop. It has to be my favorite part of the trail. I actually rode through the first time around, then stopped for the pic. The interesting part of this trail is that each of the loops is a spur off of the Blue loop. This makes is easier to bail out if you need to. The black crosses the blue here, and then circles around. You end up riding the blue through this intersection a few minutes later. Yes, the trails cross...and yes they are marked very well that there is potential danger. I have never had any issues here. I think in all the times I have ridden Luton I have only seen 1 rider coming down the hill. 

After riding all of the loops I was short of 10 miles. I headed back out to ride the Blue loop again. I knew I didn't have the endurance for every loop, but wanted a double digit ride. As I was riding towards the yellow spur my mind started to wander to five years ago. It was in this spot that I realized I was having some major breathing issues. 10 days later I was in the hospital with a saddle pulmonary embolism. Nearly died. Now I was here again riding and enjoying the day. Literally, thankful to be alive. It has been a long time since that day.

Luton is a great trail. I wasn't fast, but it was great to be out and riding such a fun trail. There isn't anything difficult about the trail, and it was in great shape. If you are ever in the Rockford area I highly recommend coming here for a ride. And while you are this close, swing to Merrill as well. Its just down the road and offers another system of trails that I love. Heck, its worth a trip to go there and ride. Lots of trails within 15 minutes of each. Canonsburg is just down the road. Plenty of after ride options from breweries to regular fast food. 

I am planning to get out this weekend again, and just trying to decide where I want to go. I am not ready for the Dragon yet, but its surely on my list. I will avoid Yankee for now. So maybe Merrill, Mosquito Creek, Fort Custer, Meyer-Broadway, or even something else. Just want to get out and get more trail miles before the snow flies. 

Keep moving forward friends. 

Operation Phoenix Week 6

 6 Weeks can change a lot of things......

One thing that hasn't changed is the level of support that I am getting. Everyone is encouraging me and pushing me to reach my goal. Christine is proud of me and is my biggest cheer leader. Her support alone through all of this I will be continually grateful for. I am thankful for all of my friends and the support they send as well. You have no idea how much it helps.

Six weeks ago I was nervous about what was happening. Then I was regretting my decision. Literally was wishing I had not made this decision. I was in pain, I was struggling. After getting some fluids it was better, but I was still mentally struggling with the decision.

Four weeks ago I was able to eat smooth foods. Soup, cottage cheese, applesauce, and a pureed combo of chicken and veggies was my diet. These weeks went by quicker than I imagined they would, but I had good days and bad days. 

About three weeks ago I was so irritated with humanity that I felt unsafe to be in public. I literally felt like I could hurt someone. Unreal what food detox can do to you.

A week ago was better, knowing that the end of the baby food was coming. I mustered through, and I made it to my six week follow up. I had three appointments on Friday. Follow up with Physicians Assistant, a meeting with the nutritionist, and the last one with the Sport physiologist. Here is how each of them went. 

Nutritionist

The food was first on the list. A group of 4 of us were called into a conference room and we found our seats. The Dietician started by having us introduce ourselves and then asking us how things were going. Of the four of us.....most were doing pretty good overall. One was still having a hard time getting protein. One was ready for tacos. Another was tired of pinto beans. I was just tired of smooth foods in general. I did a decent job of mixing things up so I didn't get tired of anything. Just the smooth foods...ugh...I want to EAT something. Not just eat...but chew specifically. We got a handout and had some further instructions on the rest of our diet. Still no caffeine. No breads or pastas. But really, anything else is on the table. Clearly this has to be healthy choices. We can't swing to McDonalds and get fries on the way home from this meeting. Healthy options, and I am more than ready. I don't feel like I will struggle too much, just have to stay away from junk. We have plenty of healthy options in the house. A range from Greek yogurt to almonds, to hummus can be added to the chicken and whatever other protein I can eat. Just keep the sugar low and stay away from high carbs. Limit the starches. Basic stuff....that I have always struggled to follow in the past....but this time is different. 

Physicians Assistant

I will skip ahead to this appointment, saving the sports physiologist for last. I got called back and right away they walked me to the scale. I stepped on and was happy with the result. Around 28 pounds down since surgery. Not bad clip of 4.7 pounds a week. She asked how things were going and then went into what I should expect. She said that adding in food will accelerate the weight loss, which was kind of interesting to me. How can I eat more and lose more....this seems counterintuitive. The explanation was that food is fuel. For the body to burn fat, it needs fuel. Makes sense I guess. So I am curious to see how the next few months go. She said at this point my weight loss is well ahead of the curve. This is also shocking to me, because I initially had a rapid loss followed by a small gain and then small losses. So to be ahead of the curve at this point is exciting to me. I know that a 2 pound a week loss is generally considered healthy. I asked her if that is what I should expect to see. Her response caught me off guard a bit. She said "you should expect to see and average more than that per week now that you are on real food again". So.....as odd as it sounds.....these next 2 months will see more rapid loss than my first month. I am down with that. So stay tuned.

Sports Physiologist

I hear "Sean!" followed by a "there you are!" from Jeff. He is an avid cyclist and was looking forward to our appointment, as was I. He goes says "I knew it was you....USA cycling jacket, Canyon hat, and a gravel race shirt...it had to be you". lol. Funny. I was looking forward to picking his brain and he was looking forward to hearing about my story. I told him about my Lumberjack experiences and how there was failure last year, when I was still 285 pounds. He was impressed at what I have achieved at my mass and gave me a lot of insight on moving forward. I explained that I have been doing the weights three days a week, because I don't want to lose any muscle. He loved that, and went into how he knows I am strong...I have just been hauling a lot of mass. So we don't want to lose the muscle, we want to maintain. We don't even really need to build any more. If I can keep my current muscle, my watts per kilogram will steadily climb. Same engine, lighter body. Think about a race car, they strip away the extra weight and only need to tune the engines. This is what we will do. Drop the weight, keep the muscle....and things will change for the better. He gave me a few exercises to do and then gave me is contact info. He wants me keep him informed of my progress. Pretty exciting to have so many people in my corner!

So overall, it was a good day at the doctors. Knowing I would be in GR, I brought Mudhorn with me and headed to Luton Park. It was a gorgeous day, and I headed out for a lap or 2. I ended up with just over 10 miles. I did all of the outer loops and then the inner loop to get my mileage. Mountain biking really takes the energy out of me, so I figured a safe 10 instead of bonking out in one of the trails. I took Saturday off. Tom and I headed to Kal-Haven on Sunday morning for another ride. This time my goal was 20 miles at whatever pace I could hold. Again, another great day. We rode out from 10th street and when we hit the 10 mile mark we turned back. Pace was solid for me and I was feeling pretty good. Towards the end, where the trail kicks up from the river I started to feel it. I pushed my limit and now I know its about 20 miles. Still, good weekend on the bike.

Here are my current metrics (as of today). 

Weight loss since surgery: 29.2 pounds

Weight to go for Ultimate Goal: 77.4

Strava Fitness Level: 15

When I started riding again, my fitness level was a literal 1. Now its up to 15 in just a few weeks. I will continue to ride and tone and that will climb even higher. 

Stick with me friends, the journey isn't even close to being over. I have taken the reigns of my life back. 

Keep moving forward. 

Operation Phoenix Week 5

Hard to believe I am into my 6th week post-op. Here we go....

While I experienced dramatic weight loss in the first 3 weeks, that has leveled out. I really couldn't expect to continue to loose weight at a clip of 6 or 7 pounds a week. As awesome as that was early on, it simply isn't a healthy thing for my body. Instead, a reasonable loss is anywhere from one to three pounds a week. If I can average two pounds a week moving forward, I will reach my goal....eventually. End goal is just to keep the scales moving in the right direction. Big or small losses, if I am trending toward my goal I will be happy. 

Mentally, I am doing pretty good overall. I have had some moments where I really struggled to remember why I did this in the first place. Moments where I wanted to swing into the gas station and buy garbage that I shouldn't. Moments still where I just wanted a salad. In reality, I just want to eat what I would classify as "normal". I want to be able to eat real food when it is time for me to eat. I am pretty tired of 'smooth' foods at this point. This is my last week, thankfully....but I understand why babies spit that shit out half the time. While some of it tastes good, I just want to chew. lol. Sounds funny, but that is how I feel. Give me a hard boiled egg, and let me chew it up. Give me a small salad. Give me a bite of steak. LET ME CHEW DAMMIT. 

Overall, feeling pretty good. I do notice that I get tired super fast. This is another side effect I am not fond of. While I have been able to do some longer rides, I pay the price for them. As an example, two weekends ago I did an easy 10 mile ride on Kal-Haven. I was asleep at 8pm that night. The next two days I was just feeling worn out. So I notice that recovery takes longer and I feel more fatigued. I do understand that this is normal, but I don't like it. I keep moving, try to fight through it. But my body needs rest. I am not exactly sure what my calorie intake is....but I know its super low compared to where it needs to be. On Friday I move back to 'normal' diet, and I will be able to track easier. Making a puree with chicken, broccoli, and cream of chicken soup....then eating a small portion at a time...makes is very hard. Having a small chicken breast and a measured portion of veggies.....much easier. I still won't be able to eat a lot, but I just believe it will be easier to keep track of everything. 

I did do a few outside rides this past weekend. First, I rode the Custer's Last Stand course and made sure it was all marked. It was raining when I left home, so I opted for Albert instead of my new bike. So, I hauled a 35 plus pound fat bike around Custer for 9 miles. Overall it was a good ride with a lot of stops and starts in the first half. I can say with absolute certainty that I lack climbing power. I made all but 1 of the climbs (which isn't hard at Custer) but did have to walk one. Legs were just blah at that moment and I just walked a bit. I cleared the rest, so that was a positive sign for me. I tried to push as hard as I could, but it just isn't there yet. It did feel good to be out, enjoying the sport I love. As the race was starting I started to wonder if maybe anyone was signed up for Beginner Clyde or Fatbike. I figured maybe I could race and get an award for my efforts, if nobody else was there. After pondering that a bit, I knew it was a bad idea. I struggled at the end of the 9 miles....and would have really struggled with another full lap. I headed home instead, and took a nap in the afternoon.

Sunday, I got up and headed to Kal-Haven again. Planning on a 15 mile ride with friends, I loaded up the MTB and headed out. Mountain bike, because I need new bar tape for the gravel bike. So the Mudhorn was weapon of choice. People that were coming started dropping like flies on my drive down. Everyone had stuff to do, so I ended up riding alone. I did a short out and back to ensure nobody else was coming, then headed down the main trail. Being downhill, the first few miles are easy. Eventually I reached the 7.5 mile mark and turned around. To my surprise, I felt a wind in my face. Apparently I had a tailwind that first segment as well. Well, that wasn't going to help on the way back. Overall it didn't bother me much, and I just plugged away. Focusing on cadence and keeping my heart rate under control. At one of the last road crossings I could hear a car coming. Then a BLARING horn as they approached the intersection. I was kind of shocked that they were honking at me, because I was barely moving and not even to the road yet. lol. I mean, thanks for the heads up dude.....but that was un-necessary. This is where the rail trail turns uphill. Its a grind for sure, even with it not being steep. Its just a churn back up to 10th street. I made it, and was glad to be done. Finishing with around 17 miles, that is my longest ride in forever. Like....longest ride since the end of March. Yikes. When I got home I showered, and napped. lol. 

I am learning my limits here, and pushing them a bit. I am guessing that 20 is going to be major limit for a while. I head to doc on Friday. I hope to pick the brain of the physiologist to see what I can do for energy right now. I need to learn the right foods to eat and how to push my limits without doing damage. Last thing I want or need is a setback. I just want to build my endurance and keep losing weight. So I know its a balance, and more to learn.

Weight loss since starting program: 35.2

Weight loss since surgery: 27.0

Sometimes the Phoenix doesn't rise from the ashes as fast as we would like, but it is still rising.

Operation Phoenix Week 4

 Here we go with week 4 recap....    

4 weeks already? Damn. That whole "time flies" thing is legit. And the fact that its been 5 weeks since my surgery is just bananas.

So where do I start? Well, I got back on track by dropping just over 2 pounds last week. That puts me at 26 down since surgery. It has slowed down some because of the food increase, but that is to be expected. Add in that I was only on the bike 2x and that didn't help.

Not really sure why, but just wasn't feeling it last week. 2 rides.....not enough. I have been doing my small weight workout three times a week, so movement has still been happening. The lack of caloric intake does play a factor here. I feel fatigued pretty easy, which is a sucky side effect. I just want to go do long rides, and my body is like....hahahahaha. 

I did get out for a Nucleus ride on Saturday with a small group. Dan, Dave, Chris, and Lisa joined me at Kal-Haven for an easy 10 miles. I just kind of cruised and kept my heart rate low. This was just to get out and ride, see how the body handled it. It was a quick jaunt from Gobles to Bloomingdale and back. Nothing terrible, all flat rail trail. I felt pretty good overall. With about half a mile to go on the way back Lisa and I pushed the pace a bit. I learned pretty quickly that I can only push the pace for a minute before my body doesn't like it. Still, felt good to go faster for a short stretch.

Always good to ride with friends. Dave was sharing a story, and he thanked us for being part of his riding group. He said "Doctor told me to thank you guys for saving my life".  That really sunk in. Because of his riding, he was stronger and able to make it through a terrible event. Sure we all ride on our own, but these groups make the rides more enjoyable. A group gives us accountability. A group gives us camaraderie. We don't fully know the power of a group ride, I just know they are important. So lets keep having them! 

Not really much more to report here. Just making sure I am paying attention to how much I am eating. I am learning where my limits are, and how my body feels when I am actually full. Eating very slow is important. If I eat a bit fast I get a feeling of wanting to puke. It comes on VERY fast. I didn't even think I was eating fast one day last week, and all of a sudden I was like "uh oh" and was on the verge of hurling up what I ate. Thankfully that feeling went away and I was ok, but it was a reminder of my situation. 

If I get the small amount of food, and I eat slowly I don't have any issues. I am however getting tired of the baby food consistency. Only a week to go on that, and then the learning begins again. I will have to learn what foods I can handle, and not over do it. I am not talking about putting away a little debbie zebra cake, I am just referring to the amount of food in each sitting. And what types of foods will cause more issues than others. 

Overall, feeling pretty good. Stress is still high....but I am managing. Lots of potential life changes coming and some of them will be a massive benefit to those stress levels. Only time will tell.

I will be doing my first MTB ride this Saturday (weather permitting). That should be an interesting experiment to see how I feel riding harder terrain than the trainer or a rail trail. 

Otherwise......keep moving forward! 

Operation Phoenix Week 3

 Operation Phoenix Week 3

RECAP

A week of ups and downs.....

Sometimes it can be hard to put things into words. That is likely why it is already Thursday, and I am just now posting this. So, lets go back a bit.

Smooth foods. I was cleared, nearly 2 weeks ago, to partake in smooth foods. This includes the likes of applesauce, hummus, cottage cheese, and really any foods that can be turned into the consistency of baby food. Yummy right? 

Well, I love cottage cheese...so that has helped. And really anything other than water has been great. Not as bad as you might think. I have fought through. Oh wait, I can have club crackers too. This truly helps when I want to eat something crunchy. I can only eat a little bit, which is fine. I eat and then a few hours later I eat again, and again, etc. I know when I push it because I feel icky for a while. Thankfully that passes, and I am understanding my limits so I don't feel like that again.

With the addition of food comes other things. I won't get into details, but lets just say I needed some lighter fluid to get the fire started.....

You see what I did there.....you get it. lol.

Because of the lack of fire, I was shocked to see the scale tick in the wrong direction this past Monday. When I stop and think about it, it does make sense. Keep taking in food with no output and that mass has to go somewhere. Wasn't a lot.....but to see the scale go up after 4 weeks of big losses....caught me off guard. I am logical enough to understand the pluses and minuses and know that all this mass won't fall off overnight. 

After talking with the doctors I feel better. Things are moving now. I am taking in less at each feed time. I am pushing my fluids still. Things will balance out. 

Riding went very well until I started to not feel good. I was full and lethargic. So I broke my streak at 12 days in a row. I then took a few days off until I was feeling better. I was back at it last night for my 30 minutes. Baby steps.

Overall, I am feeling pretty good. Today marks 4 weeks since surgery. I am down weight. I am eating ok. I have 2 more weeks on the smooth foods, then I should be cleared for normal food. This doesn't mean I have free reign to put Little Debbie and Oreo out of business. It just means I can eat healthy and normal foods. I am ready. lol. 

Mentally, this past week was rough. For too long I have relied on food as a coping mechanism, but that is no longer an option. I am working through some cognitive techniques to retrain my brain and help me remember that food isn't the answer. Instead, a literal walk around the house. A quick text to someone to break my train of thought. Anything to distract me from trying to eat garbage and keeping me a prisoner of food. I refuse. I didn't do this surgery to wind up right back where I was. I still have a lot of work to do. 

I am learning. I am growing emotionally. I am shrinking my mass. Eventually I will be kicking ass.

All I can do....is keep moving forward.  

Operation Phoenix Week 2

It is time to cover what happened in my second week Post Op. 

 2 week follow up

The Nutrition

Liquid diets are hard. I used to complain about being on liquids the day before a procedure. No longer. After 2 weeks of just water, broth, the occasional jello, and popscicles....I will still complain. lol. It was an interesting two weeks for sure. The broth did help break up the waters. The jello gave some semblance of eating real food. And the popscicles were a nice treat alongside additional fluids. 

After I got those IV fluids I didn't have any issues getting both my protein and fluids in. Night and day difference. At my 2 week follow up (last Friday) I met with the nutritionist again. We covered the foods I am safe to eat for the next 4 weeks. Semi-solids would be the best description. I can eat 'smooth' foods like cottage cheese, cream soups, hummus, applesauce, and anything broken down with my kitchen ninja. When I say broken down, I mean to smoothie consistency. It should be interesting for sure. Since Friday I have had cottage cheese, some soups, and mashed potatoes. "NO CHUNKS" was the final word of wisdom she gave me. I can try to get up to 1/4 cup servings every 2-3 hours. Honestly, the last few days that proven difficult. If I push that limit too much I don't feel great. Just have to ease into it. She wants my fluids the same and I am supposed to up my protein. When I was eating normal I never had an issue. Now I have to get creative by using higher protein milk and protein powder to keep my levels up. 

I can have grits, but not oatmeal.

I can have soup, just no chunks.

I can have canned chicken or tuna, just smoothed out. Honestly, curious to see how this one goes. I will try today. lol.

I even went out with Jason and Cheddar soup at a restaurant. I have plenty of leftovers there. 

I will figure it out, just on a learning curve right now. Trying to find that limit of intake and listen to my body. I can have club crackers which curbs my crunchy craving. I can put hummus on this for a nice snack. 

Otherwise, the next month will continue to be interesting with the food choices as I get it sorted.

The Movement

Movement is going to be key here. I need to keep my ass moving no matter what. While I have been limited to 15 minutes on the bike, I have still walked around the yard when the dog was out. Plus we did a yard sale last weekend. I was moving boxes within my limits. After 2 weeks I was able to bump that up to 30 minutes. I managed to get 7 days in a row. I had to listen to my body on Sept 1st. I was worn down and just didn't have a bike ride in me, not even a short one. So I skipped, but I was at 5 days in a row before that. The 7 days got me a new badge in Zwift. After 14 I will get another one. I figure I will keep plowing through for 30 minutes and knock that one out too. 

Slow and steady. 

This week I can add in my hand weights and stretching. I have a solid plan in place. I don't want to lose my muscle during these first phases. I want to maintain and tone. Nothing crazy, but every little bit will help. And of course I plan to be on the bike still. I will stick to the trainer and the 30ish minute rides through this week. Then gradually add more time. I feel better every day on the bike. The strange thing is that once I get to 20 minutes I feel stronger. Take a long time to get this body revved up I guess. 

The Mood

Well, I won't lie to you.....this has caused some issues. Have you ever had the feeling that you could murder the next person you see because you are so irritated? I haven't....until last week. I will describe it as you are on the edge of a cliff....teetering and ready to fall off. All it will take is a single grain of sand and everything is going to go downhill. A solid 4-5 days I felt like that. I finally broke down one night talking to Christine. Thank God for her, because she listened to me for almost an hour. It was good to get it out of my system and off my chest. The next day wasn't great, but I wasn't as on edge. Its has gotten better every day. However, I am back at work again....so the stress could change that. I am just doing my best to remember who I am, and that I am far from a murderer (even though it seemed like a good idea at the time). It was a roller coaster week for my mood. I even caused a tiff that was very unintentional....but damage was done. Nonetheless, I did everything in my power to show that I it was not meant the way it was delivered. Things are good there. 

The reason? Well....think of an addict coming off of drugs or alcohol. You have seen it on tv and in the movies. People turn into fuckers when the toxins are leaving their battered bodies. They say and do things that they would never do. They lash out. They get angry. Coming off of food is no different. Maybe not to the scale of drugs or alcohol, but legit enough that I was scaring myself with where my thoughts were going. As I said, it has gotten better. But I am slowly on the upswing and never want to feel like that again. 

The Limitations

So I do still have limitations. I cannot pick up more than 20 pounds for the next 2 weeks. I have been very careful and used team efforts when something seems heavier. I do feel bad though, as Christine has to pick up the heavier things. Like the 40 lb bag of dog food. Sorry my love. The other limitations are generally only food related. During my follow up I also met with the surgeon. He asked how things were going and checked my incisions. Told me the deal above, and turned me loose. 

I asked specifically. "So I don't have any other restrictions, like I can ride my bike as far as I want?" and he simply responded "go for it, more movement the better. just don't pick up anything". I am fairly shocked at that, but I plan to take full advantage of it. Like my off the bike exercises. I can start low and start building now. It will be good to get on a schedule. 

As far as the bike, I can't just go out and rip off 20 miles. I have been living on very limited calories. I don't want to get out from the house and lose steam which would result in a rescue call. Not ready for that yet. So I will continue the 30ish minute rides for this week, while I figure out what I can eat easily. But, I do want to plan a Kal Haven ride soon. Not long, just 10 miles to start. Get outside and see people again. Keep an eye open for that. Won't be fast, but that isn't the point right now. 

The Masses

So, today marks day 18 since my surgery. I have dropped five of the five pound bags of flower. 

For reference

Think about that for a minute. 5 of these bags of flower have just left my body. Now, before you go crazy and ask "is that healthy".......yes it is. Its also a positive side-effect and purpose of the surgery I had. The first 3 months I will lose 30% of my ultimate weight. The following 6 months will be another 20-30% based on my exercise. I want to lose 100, so I have 25% already. Not a bad start. 

I do my weigh-in every Monday morning. This is intentional to ensure I am good over the weekends. Clearly right now I can't eat a lot, but I didn't do this to start eating french fries in a few weeks. I did this with the ultimate purpose of losing the weight.  So, maybe I give you some insight to my ultimate goal now.

The ULTIMATE Goal

Along the way I will have sub-goals. Losing 5 pounds as an example. Hitting a 20 mile ride again. Making sure my lifting routine is accomplished. Stretching and ab strengthening. Short term, starting now are those. They can be boring, but I will still celebrate them. 

The ULTIMATE Goal is where I want my weight to be. After discussions with the nutritionist I was kind of perturbed about what she said. She told me that based on my numbers that I might not achieve my goal. That is will be better to have a realistic goal in mind. I understand everything she said. I am older, I have a bigger muscle mass than I did when I was 25, my body mass (muscle, bones, organs) is already over my goal weight. This poses an issue....because all of the studies I see show where I am supposed to be. And even 15 pounds over that ideal weight gives me some wiggle room. 

So what do I do? I will set my goal below and I will strive to get there. The way I see it, it takes a lot of muscle to haul around this massive body. So I would assume I will lose some muscle during the journey. Cycling will lean me up a bit too. So, its hard to say. I will have an ultimate goal, and a realistic goal. But, people telling me I can't do something....generally leads to me doing it anyway. So....

GOALS

Short term goal: Lose 5 pounds

Riding goal: Keep getting on bike every day.

Working out goal: Light weights 3x a week. Stretching Daily.

ULTIMATE Weight Goal: 185 pounds.

Acceptable Goal: Sub 200 pounds.

Nutritionist goal: 220 pounds.

Current Numbers:

MAX Weight: 309 pounds

Weight Monday before surgery: 291.6 pounds

Weight today: 266.6 pounds

Lost since surgery: 25 pounds

Weight to Ultimate Goal: 81.6 pounds

Weight to Acceptable Goal: 66.6 pounds

Strava Fitness Level: 2 (I was 65 max at LJ100 last year. I want to show this number to see how far I will go)

So that is about it right now. I will update again in a week, unless something exciting comes up and I feel like sharing. Keep following along, my posts will get better as things ramp up.