Remember 2019

 Something made me think back to the year 2019 today. Not sure, but it took me on an interesting path.

Just about 5 years ago I was sitting in a hospital bed not knowing whether I was going to live or die. Literally. Standing on the brink of death. As I said, not sure sure what took me back to that time I spent in the hospital, but if you care do go back and look you can here. (CLICK)

Maybe I am where I am mentally revisiting that journey because of words a friend of mine gave me. 

Hey Sean….read your post and am sorry you are going through so much.  I am certainly not trying to play anything down that you are going through, but I know the tough side of you and you can and will prevail.

My journey from 6 months ago and a month in the surgical ICU at UofM has changed me forever.  I have never been good in the patience department, but have learned it finally.  I am sending a pic of where I was with the vent being removed to see if I would respond.  Just like you I have persevered.  You went through a lot of stuff several years ago and that was in the back of my mind.

If you ever want to jaw, hang out, ride or whatever….I will be available my friend.

Perspective. As bad as things seem, they can be worse. My friend above here had a brush with death. He was, in all honesty, closer to heading home than I was. I am thankful he didn't. And I am very thankful for his words above. 

So yes, I nearly died. Well, I was closer to death than I have ever wanted or planned to be. I am thankful that I was able to survive that ordeal. One would think that taking a blood thinner every day would be a stark reminder of that time in the hospital, but taking the meds is more of a habit than a 'lifesaver' in my eyes. Still, my brain went back there.

At the time I didn't fully understand it. Looking at it now I can remember talking to a nurse there and her telling me how serious it was. But memories fade and we forget. I forgot how I felt sitting in that room, waiting for something exciting to happen. Nothing did. Eventually I just went home. But I find myself in that same position....sitting here waiting for something exciting to happen. 

It reminded me of a Bone Thugs and Harmony lyric where he says 

"There are 3 types of people...

those who wonder what happened....

those who know what happened....

and the people that make it happen..."

Only I can make it happen. I have to do the work. I have to get out and ride. I have to drop the weight. I have to make it exciting. 

Its like this pic here....

You can have all the gear. You can talk a big game. But its truly only exciting when you are out there making it happen. We all have bad days. Times when we just want to say "fuck it" and still the itch at the back of my mind exists....a gnawing ping that tells me to get on the bike. Granted, I have somewhat of an excuse with a surgery recovery. But, I cant use that to avoid the trainer. Especially when the doctor told me I could use the trainer....even though I haven't. 

There is chaos as usual. We have that in life. But I believe as long as we don't quit that we can keep fighting our way back. Or even just fighting ourselves out of a hole that we dug. I am still here afterall, even after all the times I have wanted (and tried) to quit. 

So, I find out Friday when I can 'ride for real' again. I am ready to get out there and work my way back out of the hole I have dug. No reason to dwell. I have a pile of excuses I can use. But that has to end. As I said in my post yesterday, Discipline will be my friend. We need to be locked together like conjoined twins. Inseparable. 

Working on new idea for this silly blog, the facebook page, and the youtube channel. If you guys have anything you would like to see, or any ideas.....let me know. Until then, keep the rubber side down.