Buckle up

I am sitting here on the couch in an empty house. I have "Race Across the Sky" playing on the tv. I pulled my riding gear out and cleaned out the bags. This was a long overdue task. I have a video uploading to youtube and it crosses my mind that I don't know where my external drive is at the moment. This external drive has all of my videos from the past few years on it....so it has some value (at least for me). I don't know why, I guess maybe I have just been putting stuff off lately. I cleaned out the bike bags, and put all the cables and battery packs back where they belong. Cleaning house so to speak. 

A lot of things have been put off. I won't lie....I have used the surgery as an excuse to let things go. I have been cleared to ride on the trainer, but I haven't. I had videos to edit...but I haven't. I have tires to set up tubeless, but I haven't. I have snacks to eat. That hasn't been a problem. 

However, there is a problem. Me. I got lazy. I got lazy fast. With the laziness and extra intake of snacks, I have added some mass. I would love to say it was muscle mass, but its just a fat mass. Being off the bike and dealing with depression is a lethal combo for me. I am what would be described as a textbook "Emotional Eater". Happy...eat. Sad...eat. Bored....eat. Stressed....eat. Horny....you get the idea. 

Unfortunately as this year has worn on the scale has shown an increase in gravity. So I am feeling and looking a lot like this friendly character, Beta Max. 

Not good. Not good at all. I am reminded of what comes with the additional weight. Harder to get up off my ass. General discomfort in all areas of the body. Even my hands are swollen. Overall, I just feel like fucking shit. So my mood turns to 'fuck it' and I eat more. Making it worse instead of better. 

But....this is how I have operated for 20 years. I lose some weight. I gain it back. I hang out at a weight for a while and then I gain again. For those that know me this has been my history. Gain. Get motivated and lose. Let it go off the rails and gain again. Repeat. Its stupid really. 

This is why I am my own worse enemy. I alone control what goes into my body. I make the choices to either pile in empty calories or to grab vegetables instead. I have always said that if I won the lottery I would hire someone to follow me around and knock shit out of my hand that I shouldn't be eating. 

But....here I am....and it is what it is. Just a continuing cycle of damage being done to my body. I am roughly a month away from being cleared to ride outside again. I have mentioned multiple times in the past 2 weeks that I am "thinking about getting on the bike" or "I should get on the trainer"....and those thoughts are followed by an hour on the couch instead of the bicycle. The downward spiral continues...

But enough about me. 

A couple of weeks ago I had friends racing at the Lumberjack 100. While each of these two friends had different outcomes, I am still proud of them for their efforts. Lisa had a decent first lap, but just wasn't feeling it. I take full responsibility for this. We planned on doing the LJ100 together again. Especially after the frame fiasco and her just missing the cutoff in 2023. I am still super proud that she made a 2nd attempt after knowing how rough it was last year. 

Tom on the other hand, had a great day. He finished his first attempt with a very solid (and frankly shocking) time. I was shocked because he isn't much of a mountain biker. He loves gravel. There is enough fire roads and 2-tracks in LJ for Tom to be successful. Very awesome job my friend. However, it was the next weekend that gathered more attention. The Coast 2 Coast gravel grinder was the following weekend.

Again, many friends up there for this event. But while many were bailing out due to thunderstorms and heavy rain, Tom stuck to his goal of the 200 mile course. I watched his tracker and saw he had a great pace to the first and second aid stations. Then, at the 3rd there was no updated when I expected. After glancing at the weather I understood why. It was dark green and red across the entire area he was riding in. I waited. Shot him a text of good luck, and waited some more. The carnage was real. The hundred mile races were arriving back and just looking like a mess. Then, an update. The rain had slowed him, along with everyone else, down. I couldn't imagine the conditions...let alone having to ride along in them. I would check in every one in a while to see where he was. Eventually, finishers started to cross the line. And then he made it. Even with the terrible conditions he had a great finish. He even took 1st in his category. Very awesome my friend. Be proud of your efforts, regardless of the cost that was incurred.

So why do I bring up these friends. They are the ones that have ridden with the most in the last year or two. When I can ride again, these are the people I will be joining. Slowly at first, but I will get stronger and lighter every week. Eventually.....I will be strong enough to keep up. 

But that lands me here.....nearly a year away from the 20th Edition of the Lumberjack 100. I pulled the image below from the LJ100 Facebook page.

It is 50 weeks until this event. That seems like a long way off, but we know how fast time moves these days. That means I have time to get to work. But that the work I must start now to get to where I want to be. Silly right.....to think I have to go through the rest of summer, winter, and spring before this event should even be on my radar.....but it is right now. 

So, I am going to attempt to get to work again. Start building the base that I need to achieve my goal. My goal? Well.....there are many. 

Long term:

1. Discipline. Be disciplined with small daily goals that will help me reach my long term goals. 

2. Get healthy. I head that way from time to time. But I need to continually work to get there.

2. With 2 comes an obvious goal of losing weight. This is a NEED as well as a goal. 

3. Finish LJ100 again. Goal times aside, Finishing will be a long term goal. So I can focus on riding and losing weight to get across the finish line.

4. Read a book each month. Doesn't matter what book. just something.

Short term: 

1. Discipline

2. Ride. 

2. Eat good.

3. Lose weight.

4. Read 20 minutes a day. 

Seems like a simple recipe right? Start each day fresh. Meaning, if I have a bad day on Tuesday, don't let it ruin Wednesday. Wake up every day with a set of goals to achieve for that day. Developing the habit of being consistent. 

I really should be grateful. Grateful to have the opportunity to do anything in my life. Grateful I can get on a bike and pedal. Grateful to be alive after the saddle PE back in 2019. Simply stated, I let the daily grind wear me down. Then I don't do what I need to do to ensure I can combat that daily grind. Instead, I grind myself further into the dirt. I am there so often that I begin to believe its where I am destined to be. I know I don't belong in the dirt......but we all find ourselves here sometimes. The key is....I can't stay there. 

The climb starts now.