Small victory.....

Small victories have to be recognized. People on the outside that don't know what has been going on with me might not even have noticed that I have been off the bike since April 16th. 

Yeah, the last time I threw a leg over a bike was April 16th.....wow.

Well, my reasons here were known. I did have a real injury and real excuses. I still technically do. I am not cleared to ride until August. So, a few more weeks of waiting.

However, I was told I could ride the trainer. And I threatened for weeks that I would actually dust off the bike and get started again, I just never actually did. 

Finally....84 days later....I was back on the trainer. First pedal stroke in almost 3 months. Sheesh.

This was the small victory.

I pulled myself out of the hole I have been hiding in and forced myself to ride. Now, it wasn't long. It was only 30 minutes, but that is 30 minutes that I put toward my future self. A single step is always greater than not moving at all.

Then, last night I went down there again for another 30 minutes. Nothing super exciting. But you cannot build anything without a solid foundation. These small steps will be the stones that are laid to create the foundation for 2025. I know, I know! Its only JULY! But listen....my riding was scattered before I actually stopped. And my last winter wasn't great. So my foundation is weak. I will acknowledge this. 

While that foundation may be weak, it can be built up again (and again if needed). This is how everyone is. I am not really starting from scratch, I have the materials...I just need to do the work.

Continued small victories every day will start to add up. I had applied for a management position within my company. We couldn't agree to terms on salary, so I refused to take the job, or they rejected my counteroffer. Take it however you want, I was not in the best mood. I have had a few good days of eating leading into yesterday. With the stress levels high, I reached for the chips. But I put them back. Walked away and did something else for a bit. Then I came back in again and reached for them again. Nope, put those fuckers down. I put them down again and changed laundry. Distracted myself for a bit. Then it was around 5 and my stress was elevated again. Once again, I wandered to the chips and stood there looking at them. What will they hurt? I mean, I am already heavy....so what will have a bag of chips hurt. Thankfully, I was able to walk away one last time....leaving the chips right were they sat. Instead I had some peppers and some veggie dip. Before you scoff at the dip....its homemade and WAAAAAAAY better for me than the chips. While not perfect, I was able to be present in the moment and stop my binge style eating. Victory. 

Small or large....the victories need to be noted. I have ridden the bike 2 days in a row and I have avoided some of the comfort foods I normally attack in stressful moments. If I can keep having these victories I will continue to build and strengthen the foundation. It will never be perfect, but I can develop the habits to keep the foundation strong. Stay on the path to being happy and healthy. 

I am reading a book right now that addresses negative thinking, negative self talk, and self-destructive patterns. It is interesting to read through here and see things that I either currently do or have done in the past. Being able to reframe situations and how I respond to them will help with the foundation too. I know life won't be all sunshine and rainbows, but I am working on understanding what I have control over and how I can respond to everything else. One small step at a time.

I will get there....just like I got to the top of the Koko Crater in January. It was hard. But one step at a time I got closer. Even when I had to stop and rest, I was able to look back and see the progress. It can be done, and I have to keep telling myself that. 

Keep moving forward.