Not going to lie....I was frustrated when I witnessed the podium of Sport Clyde at Sweat Shaker last weekend. I know the guy that finished 3rd rolls right around 215 lbs. But when I see the guys that finish in 2nd and 1st....I get pissed. "those dudes need to get on a scale" I say out loud. Internally, I was even more frustrated.
My wager, these dudes were a legit 200+ pounds. But they don't look it. They are my height...maybe taller...and jacked. Meaning....they are not built like I am. They look like guys that are in shape while I look like a guy that isn't. So lets say they touch the scale at 210-220. That still puts me 40-50 pounds heavier than they are. Internally, I was more pissed off. I kept thinking to myself "dudes are sandbagging" and "no way are they 200 pounds, fuck this sucks". But as much as they crushed me....they would probably get crushed in age group...because some of those guys will have 30-50 pounds less than them. Touche'
So I started thinking a bit deeper after I got calmed down some. I mean, I did take 6th place afterall. I was pretty excited to place that high (whether it was DFL or not is another story ;) ). My thoughts drifted to myself. I did ok at that race. I got killed. Why? The reason I was so far behind was simple...I am not fast enough. Why am I not fast enough? Well....that leads to some deeper reasons.
1. I didn't ride for 1.5 months
Literally. I was signed up for 4 races early this year and I skipped the first one because it rained the night before. Excuse. I then skipped other races because the felt like I had not trained enough to compete. That kind of thinking led me down the path of not riding. I allowed myself to sink to a level where I was thinking "what is the point" to even ride...let alone race. Life was coming at me from all angles and I allowed it to affect my riding.
2. I am heavy
Sure I have always been heavy, but I am really heavy right now. The heaviest I have ever been in fact. So for me to race at all...that is an achievement. Because of not riding and sliding into depression I was eating more and more.
3. Life continues to happen
And honestly, dealing with it wasn't easy. I can hide behind all kinds of excuses. But that doesn't get me anywhere...much like sitting on the couch. At least I am to the point where I can admit I have an issue. My issue....I love food. It would be easy to say that I am addicted to food.....and I can admit that. I know I have an issue....now I need to do something about it. Mainly, stop emotional eating. Learn now to put the food down. Learn to make a healthy choice.....carrots instead of a donut....tuna instead of a burger...ect. I can do it.....and getting back on the bike has me more conscience of the whole thing. Well, that and the fact that my clothes are all super tight.
In closing, I guess a person has to actually stop and look around to see how far they have actually fallen. After seeing a pic of myself in my new kit it hit home even more. My choices are to continue down this path....or to get to work. I plan to get to work...stay tuned.