I am sitting here with a healthy helping of waffles.
Not the real kind, but the decision kind where you can't make up your mind. I need to make a major decision coming up. I plan to make that decision by Monday.
But what is the question?
What is this dude thinking?
The short answer is really a long and involved answer.
I will start last June....at Lumberjack. I took what would turn out to be an emotionally devastating kick in the teeth. When the DUFF frame failed at mile 52 I knew I was in for a journey. I didn't fully understand what that journey would entail.
It started innocent enough. I filed a warranty claim with Giant. I had misguided thoughts that they would honor their warranty and I would end up with a new and potentially awesome bike. That never came to be. They didn't find the same value in my Anthem SX that I did. Their offer just wasn't good enough for me to jump at it. Whether they didn't understand, or just didn't care, is irrelevant at this point. But, that weighed on me.
My riding dipped the second half of 2023. I let the situation with Giant get the best of me and I tanked. I tried to gain composure in August, but didn't even touch a bike in September or October. Not good for me physically nor mentally. You can see my calendar below. The year started off pretty good overall. I was making steady gains and actually riding my bike.
Not great, but a solid start to the year. After Lumberjack my motivation tanked. My focus was simply elsewhere. I was trying to sort out a new mountain bike. Work was bananas. Life, as usual, was happening at 200 miles per hour. So my riding got put on the back burner. I tried a few times in November but just couldn't get back into the swing of things. In December I tried harder again. Knowing I had to get my ass moving for the start of the 2024 season. No better way to kick start the year than to end the previous year on a high note...right?
And the year did start great. I got spend a week in Hawaii with Christine. It was there she accepted my proposal. So the year personally has been good. I even did that crazy ass crater climb when I was there. All good things. Emotionally I was doing great. Physically.....well.....
Ending 2023 I didn't really ride the last 2 weeks of the year. Then I didn't ride again until the last week of January. Another 6 week gap off of the bike. So a few months off.....followed by a decent couple of weeks....followed by another month and a half off. Major physical losses.
So the year didn't start off great. And that slow start bled into February. I was finally able to land a new bike. That should help right? Well yeah, new bike day is always good. But February being a light month meant that I was still losing fitness. Work stress has been gaining steam too, which we know isn't a great combo.
High stress + low physical activity = not good
Where I should be using the bike to burn off that stress and build fitness, I am so emotionally drained at the end of the day that I just don't want to. Thus the downward spiral continues. Add in that I am an emotional eater and that spiral goes even faster downward. The only thing that has gone up is my weight. I am currently 20 pounds heavier than I was at LJ last year. It all keeps adding up.
So what am I saying?
Short answer is that I am about 70% sure I am pulling the plug on LJ100 for 2024. All of the factors have been adding up. I am not making excuses....just looking at facts to arrive at the inevitable conclusion.....
I simply cannot be ready. And if by some miracle I did manage to train hard for 3 months, I would still have the mental side of things weighing me down. Yeah, work stress will be what it is. But I have lost faith in myself. That is what pushed the scales far enough that I don't believe they will tip back, but just this year.
I plan to make my final decision over the weekend, but its not looking good for LJ100 in 2024.
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