I can't really put my finger on the exact moment, it was more of a gradual thing. Now its easy to look back and see what we all had, versus where we are now. Its way different now. Different in the fact that the faces have changed and the groups are smaller. Let me explain.
In 2015 it was great. We had a solid team with Custer Cyclery. I can't really even list off all of the people that I used to ride with. We spent a lot of time together at races, on long kal-haven rides, or just seeing each other in general. These group rides started as 3-4 people and eventually blossomed into 20ish people on some rides. Solid groups of all skill levels just riding along and enjoying everything from nature, to the ride, to the company. Those rides started to dwindle towards the end of Custer Cyclery. Then covid hit and drove a deeper wedge into the groups. No longer could we hang out in groups of 20 people, because people were either scared or they just used it as an excuse to continue the dissolving of the teams and groups.
Maybe it was the evolution to Gravel racing from mountain bike racing. The MTB races are generally shorter and that gives people a reason to hang out afterwards. The gravel races being a bit long, and many many more people....meant that the people were all spread out. Sure there is a team tent, but at these events you could see less and less teammates every year. In all honesty, I did step away from any sort of team. I simply wasn't feeling it anymore. The team I was on just felt different. I have always felt like an outsider, but that feeling would grow every event. There was the usual suspects on the team that would offer their encouragement, but everyone else seemed to have their own agenda, and I did too. I wouldn't stay after races. I would just go to my car, clean up, and head home. Isolating. I did this because it all just felt different.
I know part of this feeling I have is totally my fault. But, if I had to do it all over again I never would have gotten into a relationship with one of women in the friend group. When I eventually broke up with her, it destroyed my changes of being part of that group anymore. She was there long before I was, and while I had great relationships with many of the people.....I barely talk to any of them anymore. My staple friends are still around, but no longer are there group activities that I am invited to. By proxy, I am outside of the group anyway. Most of that group lives in and around the Kalamazoo area, and I live in Allegan.
Still, part of it is just a natural progression. People lose interest in riding and move onto other hobbies. Some have sustained crashes that caused injures that add to their reasons for leaving. I get it, but I miss these people more than they know. Some of these people have been my biggest cheer leaders over the years. Life just moves us around and our priorities change. I do the same, I am no different. After raising 4 kids and going through a terrible divorce, I choose what I do. My kids are all 18 and out of the house now. That frees me up to make my own choices, and depending on circumstances, I choose to ride or spend time with Christine. Everyone has their lives. All all of our lives are not interconnected like they were when racing or a big group ride was the dominant attraction.
It just falls apart.....and its all different now. That is ok. I am sure it will all change again someday. Maybe I join another team. Maybe I join group rides again. Maybe a small group of 2-3 riders will once again blossom into groups of 20. We don't know what will happen, but we can keep moving forward...
.....one pedal stroke at a time.
No comments:
Post a Comment