Learning curve

 I have been working with a coach or a few weeks now. For right now I am focusing on my nutrition. I want to write this post for a few reasons. Mainly, to share my head space with you guys to give you an idea of what its like to be me. Some of you already know, some more than others....some probably more than they should. ha. 

I probably overshare....in some aspects. In others, I harbor what I am thinking because it is probably best for humanity if I just keep those thought to myself. But sometimes, if you see me smile for no reason you can ensure one of two things. I turned what you said into something dirty, or I wasn't listening and I was thinking about something else. lol.

But mentally, I tend to be even keeled since my divorce. I still get down. I still get stressed. I don't tend to get as hyped as I used to, but I truly feel that Covid has worn me down in the last 18 months. Even Friday night I was sitting here thinking how lame I was because I was home doing nothing when I have every ability to be doing something constructive. But, that is really how I operate. If I can get a night alone doing absolutely nothing I treat it as a reset. I will either take stock of things in my life or maybe plan ahead for a weekend getaway with m daughters....or just get lost into some stupid game on my phone. I can unplug completely. And those are the days that help the most. 

Now I find myself navigating to some of the 50ish odd books I own. And my coach has suggested a few for the mental side of things. I understand that in that arena I am indeed my own worst enemy. I can tear myself down more than any person ever could. I can build myself up and take control of my mind. That is the best thing about our brains and our minds. We have the ability to train them to do amazing things. Pushing our own limits. However, we can also develop habits, positive or negative, as well. And that is where I want to discuss some thing regarding my nutrition.

My coach, first off, has been awesome. We talk on the phone one time a week and we email throughout the week. She wants to know the truth....and doesn't want me to be ashamed on what I am eating. She wants to know the truth so that she can help guide me to better options. And the best part, she is human too. As an athlete she relates to what people deal with on a daily basis. But, my nutrition right now isn't necessarily focusing on athletic prowess. lol. I am 285 pounds my friends. Every time I achieve something I am kicking some ass....and if you don't believe that....frankly....go fuck yourself. I realize that might be a harsh response....but that is directed at some people that have doubted my accomplishments in the past. And....apparently I am in a mood. 

Back to nutrition. My coach guides me...not forces. The phrase I hear a lot is "baby steps". This is perfect for me because I have always lived by the all or nothing when it comes to diets and that is generally why I fail. I fail because i call it a 'diet'. This really isn't a diet. It is my future. Something my coach tells me is to think about the 'future Sean'. Like...if I eat this bowl of ice cream how is it going to be helpful for my future self. Clearly, ice cream is a good example of instant gratification. So now, when do eat junk...the thought at least crosses my mind before I eat it. lol. Baby steps right. 

Honestly, the baby step approach means I will be successful at times and fall short at other times. And you know what.....that is ok. I have survived for 45 years on this rock with that exact roller coaster of life. Good times, bad times....life. Food has always been an issue for me. When I got married I was 180 pounds. I was 21. When my oldest daughter was born, I weighed a strong 185. However, I broke my foot right before she was born and was shocked at how fast I gained nearly 30 pounds. It was because I didn't look at food as fuel, but instead as comfort. Tired....eat. Stressed....eat. Happy....eat. Party...what kind of food we having. Lets eat.....and I figured that out many years ago. I have tried to focus on the actual event....instead of focusing what food would be there or what we would eat after a race. Mind shift.

I am rambling, sorry. What I wanted to talk about is looking at food as fuel. Remembering that if I eat like garbage now...I will suffer on rides or whatever later. My coach doesn't blow me up when I eat terrible. But knowing I am reporting to her helps me slow down and consider the ramifications. I am learning to eat better foods that will make me full. Basic foods. Not salads or weird stuff. Normal food. Just better for me....for everyone really. lol. My girls have to eat what I cook. So it makes it easier that it isn't weird shit that they wouldn't touch. So I have learned some healthier options for breakfast. Better snacks to eat that will keep my appetite curbed. Alternative foods to the cookies and other junk that I eat mindlessly. Mindful. Simply being aware of what I am stuffing in my pie hole so that my future self doesn't pay the price. I remember hearing "a moment on the lips...a lifetime on the hips" while I was growing up. lol. Whatever works for you to remember....hey....probably shouldn't be eating this. 

Honestly.....I coudln't tell you if I made a point in this post or not. Other than to say I am enjoying working with a coach. Taking the right steps the right way to ensure my weight loss is sustainable. Make sure I am healthy. Ensure I have an awesome future. Learning as much about myself as I am about nutrition, health, and the power of the mind.

Just keep moving forward. I will be out there....chugging away at my current speed. Maybe I will never be super fast. Maybe I will never be back to 185 pounds. But I will be healthy, which in turn will make me happy. Frankly, I am grateful for what I can accomplish....especially at my current gravity. I will post more about all of this in the future I am sure. Clearly I felt like getting stuff out of my head tonight. Maybe to make room for the week. 

I will leave you with this: Do something everyday that will help your future self. 

Holland 100 recap

 This event was my first ever century many years ago. It was also the event that I was on in 2018 when I had the realization that my marriage was over. So, there has been some significant happenings here. This year was fairly uneventful. Thankfully.

I was up early and my phone was dinging left and right with people asking about the weather. It was raining south of me, but was dry here in town. I ate my breakfast and rolled up to Zeeland. I rolled in around 6:30 and there was not many people there yet. Found a place to park and headed to registration. I picked up my bracelet and headed back to gear up. The bracelet was to identify those registered, for the food at the aid stations.

Everyone else rolled in shortly thereafter and we were approaching 7am. Poor JW had a tire blow and couldn't get her CO2 cartridges to work. I found her and we got her back in business. We met up with Jay and a few others then headed out. There was a group of 8 of us.

Within a mile or two I was riding with Jay and a few others but the rest of my team was gone. They were doing a casual warmup. lol. I was taking advantage of the draft at 20 miles an hour. The first part is pretty flat, so we cooked it to the first aid station. The rest of my friends caught us and we headed out again.

This is where the rollers start. I was holding on for the most part, and the group was working together doing pulls rotating back in. Was a good time. But then.....a big hill. The group was gone. lol. Again, I watched them all ride away and become ants in the distance. No reason for me to kill myself, I have 75 miles to go. They waited at the intersections for me, which was nice. I was actually not showing that apprecation in the moment because I felt bad they were waiting for me. 

But, we regrouped and went off again. Then a hill and I would be alone. The entire course is littered with riders. Fast people, slow people, young people and old people. We finally arrived at the pancake breakfast around 56 miles in. Because I am working with a coach I avoided the pancakes. It was find. I wasn't feeling the best....but it was from the saddle pressure. Like....rIiding on a credit card feeling. You know, I won't elaborate. lol. I sat and stretched for a few while everyone ate. Then I headed out knowing they would all catch me eventually.

Shockingly, i held off the group for 8 or 9 miles before they finally reeled me in. It was Jay and a few others that zipped by with words of encouragement. I just plodded along, but I was hurting. Then I heard JK. Her and D were with another dude and were flying. J was like...Sean...JUMP ON....and I did....for as long as I could. We were crusing at 20-21 and I was thankful for the draft. But eventually, the pressure on my saddle was too much and I had to back off. 

I rolled into the Fenn Valley aid station blown up. Physically I felt fine...but I knew I couldn't sit on that seat any more. So I texted my daughter while watching everyone refuel and get ready to go for the last 25. My daughter answered that she could save me....and my day was over. I gave everyone fist bumps or hugs and they were on their way. I waited for a bit and my daughter got there. I threw the bike in the back and she took me back to my car. Second, if I had to get back on that bike I literally felt like I might do damage to my body. I figured it "taint" worth it.....if you follow.

I got back and after a while everyone else rolled in. It was a very good and demanding day on the bike for me...and for everyone else. I gave big kudos to everyone for finishing that event. While there isn't relatively a ton of climbing for 100 miles, it just isn't an easy feat to ride that far. I got home...showered....and crashed. 

 If you ever want to do a century and have never done one before I highly recommend the Holland 100 for a few reasons. First, the aid stations are not super spread out. You get a ton of support and the food options were excellent. Second, it is fairly flat all things considered. Lastly, most of the riders are super friendly. There is always funny conversation, encouragement, and laughter.

Next up....could be Ore 2 Shore. Hard to say right now if this will happen or not. I have some planning to do. But I also might add another century this year....because I have to get that hundo under my belt in 2021. Keep on riding.