I have been working with a coach or a few weeks now. For right now I am focusing on my nutrition. I want to write this post for a few reasons. Mainly, to share my head space with you guys to give you an idea of what its like to be me. Some of you already know, some more than others....some probably more than they should. ha.
I probably overshare....in some aspects. In others, I harbor what I am thinking because it is probably best for humanity if I just keep those thought to myself. But sometimes, if you see me smile for no reason you can ensure one of two things. I turned what you said into something dirty, or I wasn't listening and I was thinking about something else. lol.
But mentally, I tend to be even keeled since my divorce. I still get down. I still get stressed. I don't tend to get as hyped as I used to, but I truly feel that Covid has worn me down in the last 18 months. Even Friday night I was sitting here thinking how lame I was because I was home doing nothing when I have every ability to be doing something constructive. But, that is really how I operate. If I can get a night alone doing absolutely nothing I treat it as a reset. I will either take stock of things in my life or maybe plan ahead for a weekend getaway with m daughters....or just get lost into some stupid game on my phone. I can unplug completely. And those are the days that help the most.
Now I find myself navigating to some of the 50ish odd books I own. And my coach has suggested a few for the mental side of things. I understand that in that arena I am indeed my own worst enemy. I can tear myself down more than any person ever could. I can build myself up and take control of my mind. That is the best thing about our brains and our minds. We have the ability to train them to do amazing things. Pushing our own limits. However, we can also develop habits, positive or negative, as well. And that is where I want to discuss some thing regarding my nutrition.
My coach, first off, has been awesome. We talk on the phone one time a week and we email throughout the week. She wants to know the truth....and doesn't want me to be ashamed on what I am eating. She wants to know the truth so that she can help guide me to better options. And the best part, she is human too. As an athlete she relates to what people deal with on a daily basis. But, my nutrition right now isn't necessarily focusing on athletic prowess. lol. I am 285 pounds my friends. Every time I achieve something I am kicking some ass....and if you don't believe that....frankly....go fuck yourself. I realize that might be a harsh response....but that is directed at some people that have doubted my accomplishments in the past. And....apparently I am in a mood.
Back to nutrition. My coach guides me...not forces. The phrase I hear a lot is "baby steps". This is perfect for me because I have always lived by the all or nothing when it comes to diets and that is generally why I fail. I fail because i call it a 'diet'. This really isn't a diet. It is my future. Something my coach tells me is to think about the 'future Sean'. Like...if I eat this bowl of ice cream how is it going to be helpful for my future self. Clearly, ice cream is a good example of instant gratification. So now, when do eat junk...the thought at least crosses my mind before I eat it. lol. Baby steps right.
Honestly, the baby step approach means I will be successful at times and fall short at other times. And you know what.....that is ok. I have survived for 45 years on this rock with that exact roller coaster of life. Good times, bad times....life. Food has always been an issue for me. When I got married I was 180 pounds. I was 21. When my oldest daughter was born, I weighed a strong 185. However, I broke my foot right before she was born and was shocked at how fast I gained nearly 30 pounds. It was because I didn't look at food as fuel, but instead as comfort. Tired....eat. Stressed....eat. Happy....eat. Party...what kind of food we having. Lets eat.....and I figured that out many years ago. I have tried to focus on the actual event....instead of focusing what food would be there or what we would eat after a race. Mind shift.
I am rambling, sorry. What I wanted to talk about is looking at food as fuel. Remembering that if I eat like garbage now...I will suffer on rides or whatever later. My coach doesn't blow me up when I eat terrible. But knowing I am reporting to her helps me slow down and consider the ramifications. I am learning to eat better foods that will make me full. Basic foods. Not salads or weird stuff. Normal food. Just better for me....for everyone really. lol. My girls have to eat what I cook. So it makes it easier that it isn't weird shit that they wouldn't touch. So I have learned some healthier options for breakfast. Better snacks to eat that will keep my appetite curbed. Alternative foods to the cookies and other junk that I eat mindlessly. Mindful. Simply being aware of what I am stuffing in my pie hole so that my future self doesn't pay the price. I remember hearing "a moment on the lips...a lifetime on the hips" while I was growing up. lol. Whatever works for you to remember....hey....probably shouldn't be eating this.
Honestly.....I coudln't tell you if I made a point in this post or not. Other than to say I am enjoying working with a coach. Taking the right steps the right way to ensure my weight loss is sustainable. Make sure I am healthy. Ensure I have an awesome future. Learning as much about myself as I am about nutrition, health, and the power of the mind.
Just keep moving forward. I will be out there....chugging away at my current speed. Maybe I will never be super fast. Maybe I will never be back to 185 pounds. But I will be healthy, which in turn will make me happy. Frankly, I am grateful for what I can accomplish....especially at my current gravity. I will post more about all of this in the future I am sure. Clearly I felt like getting stuff out of my head tonight. Maybe to make room for the week.
I will leave you with this: Do something everyday that will help your future self.
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