Where is your head.....

Here we are the day before Thanksgiving and I am mentally all over the place. Brain has gone from work to Thanksgiving to vacation to bills to family to what my potential raise will be at work to bikes to Lumberjack to family to Christmas to vacation to Red Wings tickets to Michigan football to vacation to bills to raises to holidays to family to bikes to what the hell am I doing here.....

Mentally.....checked the fuck out.

This is where I am right now. Short weeks are rough. Wondering if work will get busy makes it harder. And being in somewhat of an odd position and hoping for the best....its a very grey area for me. Of course, this time of year is kinda meh anyway.

Because of Covid aftermath I still don't really see my parents. That sucks. We all miss them, and I ask about plans and never really get an answer....so I stop asking. Just talk to them on the phone every few weeks. Its like we are across the country when we are only 90 minutes away. Strike.

Then...normal work stress. It comes and goes....but some things this year have made me wonder exactly what is going to happen. Won't really get into that....but its a lingering stressor. Strike.

Bills, sure I could blame inflation and the cost of living....but I have dug a hole. Bills are paid, but doesn't leave much for anything else. Strike.

This leads me to a new mountain bike. G really put a wrench in things by not honoring their warranty. This is where my year really tanked mentally. Riding stopped. Mentally tanked more. Overall, I am mentally doing pretty good....but the riding side of the mentality is where I think my biggest challenge has landed. I can deal with the rest.....

So I have to start over yet again. 

However, I am not really starting from the beginning. I am starting from where I am. That is a difference. We all know that we are on some type of journey to the end of our lives...and we can never go back to where we started. We can try to right the wrongs we have done. We can can try to fix those things that have ailed us. Modern medicine allows us to live longer lives than what we used to....all the time modern FDA regulations are allowing the world to shorten our lives with flavor. Its a weird place we live in....but where was I going?

The bike thing will sort itself out. I have a plan, but need to wait until the first domino falls in order to put the plan in motion. Fingers crossed the things come through the way they need to for that bike to be pat of my future. I am planning on attempting LJ100 again and it will be difficult if I don't have a bike to ride. So, nothing I can do now but dream about the bikes (notice I didn't say stress over it) and let the future unfold.

I signed up for Barry Roubaix again too, before it sold out. Crazy how fast an event that big sells out. So cool to see, and so cool to be part of. It will be another attempt at a rough 60 plus miles in the hills of Barry county. Another notch on the bike that needs to be achieved.

What else.....

Can you tell I am checked out? I can't even complete a thought. 

Just keep going, even if you have to start over.