Operation Phoenix Week 2

It is time to cover what happened in my second week Post Op. 

 2 week follow up

The Nutrition

Liquid diets are hard. I used to complain about being on liquids the day before a procedure. No longer. After 2 weeks of just water, broth, the occasional jello, and popscicles....I will still complain. lol. It was an interesting two weeks for sure. The broth did help break up the waters. The jello gave some semblance of eating real food. And the popscicles were a nice treat alongside additional fluids. 

After I got those IV fluids I didn't have any issues getting both my protein and fluids in. Night and day difference. At my 2 week follow up (last Friday) I met with the nutritionist again. We covered the foods I am safe to eat for the next 4 weeks. Semi-solids would be the best description. I can eat 'smooth' foods like cottage cheese, cream soups, hummus, applesauce, and anything broken down with my kitchen ninja. When I say broken down, I mean to smoothie consistency. It should be interesting for sure. Since Friday I have had cottage cheese, some soups, and mashed potatoes. "NO CHUNKS" was the final word of wisdom she gave me. I can try to get up to 1/4 cup servings every 2-3 hours. Honestly, the last few days that proven difficult. If I push that limit too much I don't feel great. Just have to ease into it. She wants my fluids the same and I am supposed to up my protein. When I was eating normal I never had an issue. Now I have to get creative by using higher protein milk and protein powder to keep my levels up. 

I can have grits, but not oatmeal.

I can have soup, just no chunks.

I can have canned chicken or tuna, just smoothed out. Honestly, curious to see how this one goes. I will try today. lol.

I even went out with Jason and Cheddar soup at a restaurant. I have plenty of leftovers there. 

I will figure it out, just on a learning curve right now. Trying to find that limit of intake and listen to my body. I can have club crackers which curbs my crunchy craving. I can put hummus on this for a nice snack. 

Otherwise, the next month will continue to be interesting with the food choices as I get it sorted.

The Movement

Movement is going to be key here. I need to keep my ass moving no matter what. While I have been limited to 15 minutes on the bike, I have still walked around the yard when the dog was out. Plus we did a yard sale last weekend. I was moving boxes within my limits. After 2 weeks I was able to bump that up to 30 minutes. I managed to get 7 days in a row. I had to listen to my body on Sept 1st. I was worn down and just didn't have a bike ride in me, not even a short one. So I skipped, but I was at 5 days in a row before that. The 7 days got me a new badge in Zwift. After 14 I will get another one. I figure I will keep plowing through for 30 minutes and knock that one out too. 

Slow and steady. 

This week I can add in my hand weights and stretching. I have a solid plan in place. I don't want to lose my muscle during these first phases. I want to maintain and tone. Nothing crazy, but every little bit will help. And of course I plan to be on the bike still. I will stick to the trainer and the 30ish minute rides through this week. Then gradually add more time. I feel better every day on the bike. The strange thing is that once I get to 20 minutes I feel stronger. Take a long time to get this body revved up I guess. 

The Mood

Well, I won't lie to you.....this has caused some issues. Have you ever had the feeling that you could murder the next person you see because you are so irritated? I haven't....until last week. I will describe it as you are on the edge of a cliff....teetering and ready to fall off. All it will take is a single grain of sand and everything is going to go downhill. A solid 4-5 days I felt like that. I finally broke down one night talking to Christine. Thank God for her, because she listened to me for almost an hour. It was good to get it out of my system and off my chest. The next day wasn't great, but I wasn't as on edge. Its has gotten better every day. However, I am back at work again....so the stress could change that. I am just doing my best to remember who I am, and that I am far from a murderer (even though it seemed like a good idea at the time). It was a roller coaster week for my mood. I even caused a tiff that was very unintentional....but damage was done. Nonetheless, I did everything in my power to show that I it was not meant the way it was delivered. Things are good there. 

The reason? Well....think of an addict coming off of drugs or alcohol. You have seen it on tv and in the movies. People turn into fuckers when the toxins are leaving their battered bodies. They say and do things that they would never do. They lash out. They get angry. Coming off of food is no different. Maybe not to the scale of drugs or alcohol, but legit enough that I was scaring myself with where my thoughts were going. As I said, it has gotten better. But I am slowly on the upswing and never want to feel like that again. 

The Limitations

So I do still have limitations. I cannot pick up more than 20 pounds for the next 2 weeks. I have been very careful and used team efforts when something seems heavier. I do feel bad though, as Christine has to pick up the heavier things. Like the 40 lb bag of dog food. Sorry my love. The other limitations are generally only food related. During my follow up I also met with the surgeon. He asked how things were going and checked my incisions. Told me the deal above, and turned me loose. 

I asked specifically. "So I don't have any other restrictions, like I can ride my bike as far as I want?" and he simply responded "go for it, more movement the better. just don't pick up anything". I am fairly shocked at that, but I plan to take full advantage of it. Like my off the bike exercises. I can start low and start building now. It will be good to get on a schedule. 

As far as the bike, I can't just go out and rip off 20 miles. I have been living on very limited calories. I don't want to get out from the house and lose steam which would result in a rescue call. Not ready for that yet. So I will continue the 30ish minute rides for this week, while I figure out what I can eat easily. But, I do want to plan a Kal Haven ride soon. Not long, just 10 miles to start. Get outside and see people again. Keep an eye open for that. Won't be fast, but that isn't the point right now. 

The Masses

So, today marks day 18 since my surgery. I have dropped five of the five pound bags of flower. 

For reference

Think about that for a minute. 5 of these bags of flower have just left my body. Now, before you go crazy and ask "is that healthy".......yes it is. Its also a positive side-effect and purpose of the surgery I had. The first 3 months I will lose 30% of my ultimate weight. The following 6 months will be another 20-30% based on my exercise. I want to lose 100, so I have 25% already. Not a bad start. 

I do my weigh-in every Monday morning. This is intentional to ensure I am good over the weekends. Clearly right now I can't eat a lot, but I didn't do this to start eating french fries in a few weeks. I did this with the ultimate purpose of losing the weight.  So, maybe I give you some insight to my ultimate goal now.

The ULTIMATE Goal

Along the way I will have sub-goals. Losing 5 pounds as an example. Hitting a 20 mile ride again. Making sure my lifting routine is accomplished. Stretching and ab strengthening. Short term, starting now are those. They can be boring, but I will still celebrate them. 

The ULTIMATE Goal is where I want my weight to be. After discussions with the nutritionist I was kind of perturbed about what she said. She told me that based on my numbers that I might not achieve my goal. That is will be better to have a realistic goal in mind. I understand everything she said. I am older, I have a bigger muscle mass than I did when I was 25, my body mass (muscle, bones, organs) is already over my goal weight. This poses an issue....because all of the studies I see show where I am supposed to be. And even 15 pounds over that ideal weight gives me some wiggle room. 

So what do I do? I will set my goal below and I will strive to get there. The way I see it, it takes a lot of muscle to haul around this massive body. So I would assume I will lose some muscle during the journey. Cycling will lean me up a bit too. So, its hard to say. I will have an ultimate goal, and a realistic goal. But, people telling me I can't do something....generally leads to me doing it anyway. So....

GOALS

Short term goal: Lose 5 pounds

Riding goal: Keep getting on bike every day.

Working out goal: Light weights 3x a week. Stretching Daily.

ULTIMATE Weight Goal: 185 pounds.

Acceptable Goal: Sub 200 pounds.

Nutritionist goal: 220 pounds.

Current Numbers:

MAX Weight: 309 pounds

Weight Monday before surgery: 291.6 pounds

Weight today: 266.6 pounds

Lost since surgery: 25 pounds

Weight to Ultimate Goal: 81.6 pounds

Weight to Acceptable Goal: 66.6 pounds

Strava Fitness Level: 2 (I was 65 max at LJ100 last year. I want to show this number to see how far I will go)

So that is about it right now. I will update again in a week, unless something exciting comes up and I feel like sharing. Keep following along, my posts will get better as things ramp up. 

Operation Phoenix Week 1

Make sure to read part 1 here, or this won't make sense. 

DAY 0

(the night of the surgery)

It all seemed fine. I mean, I guess it did. After waking up in recovery I was pretty foggy for the rest of the day. I remember Christine being there. I know she was hanging out into the late evening. I remember all of the staff coming into the room and doing all their specific tasks. Vitals, giving me meds, telling me I suck. You know....the regular stuff. Honestly, no clue on any names or even faces on this night. The reason is because my focus was elsewhere. My shoulders. I swear to everything that is Holy that it was pushing being unbearable. One of those pains you can't get away from. Let me describe it. 

Ever have someone grab you by the shoulders and squeeze? From the front it hurts. If they are behind you it hurts worse. Well, now imagine the Hulk clamping his bits down as hard as he possibly could right on top of your shoulders and just hanging out there. That is the pain I remember. It was during this time that I asked for them to drill my shoulders and let the air out. I also was regretting everything up to this point. Charlie horse style cramps in the shoulders that can't be worked out.....because it is simply pressure on the inside of my body from the gas they used during the surgery. Awful. 

DAY 1

(the day I went home)

When I woke up the shoulder pain was still the worst part. I had the morning to myself and was basically up and moving every couple of hours through the night. I would walk a slow and boring loop around the floor I was on. Then I would lay back down and just breathe deep trying to get away from the shoulder pain. Honestly the worst part by far. The day was quiet and Megan arrived to bring me home. They got my IV out and I was able to get dressed. They wheeled me down to the car and we were on our way home. Being just off the of US-131 on Wealthy makes it nice. We were out of there and home pretty quickly. When I got home I laid right back down and was out for the count. Just fully exhausted from absolutely nothing. The rest of the night was pretty quiet. Chris got home and kept an eye on me. The only thing that happened was I stressed one of the incisions and it bled a bit. Otherwise, pain the shoulders was getting a bit better and I was home.  

DAY 2

(first full day home)

Honestly, a lot of sleep. Trying to get fluids down. Trying to get meds into my system to aid with the lingering shoulder spasms and pain. Letting up some, but still fairly awful. I didn't do much. I alternated sleep with playing on my phone and watching tv. Not much stands out other than pacing around the hose to get my movement in every hour. Movement is key. 

DAY 3

(more meds and fluids)

Up and around every hour, slinking through the house like the Grinch on Christmas Eve, I made my endless laps. I tried to drink my water and my protein shakes. I know I wasn't getting enough down. One time it felt like a pill got stuck and thankfully I was at the sink. Let me tell you, the regurgitation action after stomach surgery isn't highly recommended. Took me a legit 10 minutes to recover after that. I am learning how to drink small sips, and let the air come back up. Feels weird, but making progress. Pretty tired overall. 

DAY 4

(the dehydration is real)

Today was my first venture out of the house. Meg too me to my appointment for a fluid infusion. I got called back and the put me in a chair. Now I was kind of nervous, because was nowhere near being hydrated. The vampire came in with her bag of tricks and got a solid start. She had to draw blood first, then pump the fluids in. The problem was....after the draw my vein shut her down. So I had to prepare for poke #2. Did she get it.....nope. Vein didn't cooperate. She was apologizing, but I know it was 100% my fault. Also, 200% the reason I was in this office to begin with. She tried tourniquets on both upper and lower arms, both hands and blood pressure cuffs that cut off circulation to my fingers. Nothing was coming to the surface. She wrapped my arms in blankets and felt around trying to find the biggest blood transporter she could find, and was struggling. 

The refreshments.

Eventually she settled into my elbow region where she described her target as "deep". That can't be good. She dove in and got it to work. The problem was that when she taped it the IV blew threw my deflated vein and the fluid was going into my subcutaneous material. Basically, just dripping into some space inside my skin. Not really helpful. It was time for reinforcements. 

Another vampire sauntered out of her coffin and started prodding around again. She was focused on my hands. I still had a prevalent bruise from my surgery IV and I told her that might be her best target. It just wouldn't come to the surface. She then targeted my other hand. "little poke" were her words as I felt another needle pierce my skin. Within a few seconds of swinging the needle like a sword under my skin she apologized for missing. At this point, I put my chair back and just focused on breathing. 

She continued her search for my missing veins and applied a blanket to my left hand. After a spell she dove in again. From my perspective it felt like she had it. She wasn't wiggling around and I figured she was getting tape around. After what felt like a minute (I am sure was less than 10 seconds) I couldn't help it and I asked "did that one work?". She paused, then apologized again that it collapsed on her. She thought she had it, but it was another miss. Fuck my life.

After a few minutes she came back in with a fresh tray of spears to stick into my body. She was very apologetic and nice. As I said before, I know this wasn't their fault. However, they were gonna get that IV in if they had to stick in my jugular. She checked my upper arms and poked around for another 10 minutes before landing on the inside of my wrist. While I wasn't super happy about this location, I willing let her attempt one last time. Finally, she found a willing participant. Now I could finally start my infusion. At this point, I was just done. Tired and feeling like garbage from being a pin cushion I was able to get the sweet life giving fluid into my carcass. 

The eventual landing spot.

I texted Megan because she had asked how it was going. It took 90 minutes to get the IV started. I had what would amount to another nearly 3 hours to get the fluids into my body. FINALLY it was time to head home. I watched the bag stop dripping and pressed the button to call them into the room. The original Vamp came in and said she was surprised it went that quick. I told her my body was a sponge from the lack of fluids I had. I headed out to the car and Meg got me home.

Meg told me I looked a million times better and that she could tell I was feeling better. Clearly dehydration isn't a joke. Even when I was trying my damndest to get the fluids in, it just wasn't working. But now I was back feeling pretty good with just a bit of minor shoulder pain. Unreal.

This was the room I was in. Note the snacks and beverages that are present there. Nice items to have for someone who cannot eat real food at this point in time. ;)

DAY 5

(the aftermath)

Who was keeping track of the pokes on Day 4? To recap, it was 6. I used to have a needle phobia. Thank the higher powers that I have been able to get over that, or I am sure I would have woken up in the ER yesterday. Whew. 

There are a few pics of the aftermath. Not too terrible other than looking like a heroine addict. 

Christine was up and heading to work on this morning. She was so shocked to see how much better I was moving and feeling in general. The recovery from dehydration was done. Now it was up to me to start forcing in the fluids. But I was feeling a million times better for sure.

I started with my protein shake. I would drink a little bit every hour in addition to my water. Every hour I was making sure to get both, and keep them down. Not forcing the issue, just making sure that I was getting in the fluids. I got nearly all of the protein and water I needed to get. This was a single day after I couldn't drink a single cup of water. The life giving fluids brought me back from the brink.

I was feeling so good that I even got on my bike. Its still on the indoor trainer and they want 15 minutes of good activity every day. This is on top of all of the other moving around I do wandering aimlessly through the house. So I geared up and headed to the basement.

I picked a flat short loop and pedaled away for 15 minutes. Not as easy as I hoped it would have been, but it felt really good to be back on a bike only 5 days after major surgery. Low cadence, low power, low heart rate, and low speed needed me a short distance. But it was an activity and it was literally the first pedal strokes toward my goal. 

Feeling better every day. 

DAY 6

(starting a routine)

I was determined to get my quotas today. I set my goals and charged towards them through the day. I was walking around the yard with Apollo. I was taking my laps inside. All the while I am reading a new book and working on the mental side of things.

In the evening I once again headed to the basement for another 15 minutes on the bike. Again, low cadence, low power, low heart rate, and no real pressure on the pedals. Just turning them around and around. 

Another day done as my one week out from surgery is rapidly approaching.

DAY 7

(it might get boring)

Sure, the routine might get boring. But as any house knows....the foundation is the boring part. While its the most important the Foundation is the part nobody sees. It goes under the ground and disappears when its apparent job is finished. But without it, the rest can't happen.

Now I am a week out from my surgery. I am reaching my protein and fluid goals. I am also hitting my movement milestones and almost ready for more. I know I need to trust the process, and I am doing my best.

This was first day that I walked into the kitchen and thought "I could use a snack". However, all fluids means only protein shakes, water (with the zero sugar flavoring), Gatorade Propel, sugar free popsicles and jello. Today I had a lello. Felt good to 'eat' something. lol. But I was able to suppress that feeling of wanting to eat something. 

The baby steps are part of the foundation. While not easy, its a necessity for me at the moment. I have a few more days until my 2nd week ends. I will send another update early next week. Until then, follow along while this phoenix rises from the ashes. 

I will get into some additional specifics and parameters on the next week overview. 

 

Operation Phoenix

 Where do I start?.....well....lets go back to childhood.

Childhood

Overall I would say I was a normal kid. Grew up on a lake so I was in the water pretty much every day. I swam, rode my bike, golfed, played baseball, and the strangely attractive Yard Jarts. Amazingly we never took an eye out, or even had a awry jart in any feet. Baseball was my main sport. I was a decent player, usually all-star level until high school. The all star trips stopped when the balls started to curve. Unlike Tony Gwinn, I couldn't see the spin of the ball. Took what I thought was a curve ball, that ended up being a fast ball, off the cheek and slowly the love of the game started to fade. I continued golfing, and ended up playing varsity for 2 years. Pretty normal.

Early Adulthood

Things changed in early adulthood. I met a woman that I thought was the love of my life, got married, had a pile of kids.....thats normal right? Of course it is. The problems started for me and my weight within a few years. I was 23 years old, working in a factory. Weight was slowly creeping up. While still holding under 220, it was time to do something about it. We had a weight loss competition at work. I dropped all the way down to 180 pounds. At 6 foot 1, this is pretty much my ideal weight. I was playing basketball, doing Tae-bo, and eating pretty good. Overall, active and healthy. On September 9th of 1999 that changed. I was being Grant Hill and I spun around, sliding and flexing my foot to the point of fracture. Within a few weeks on crutches my weight shot back up to 217. This was when the problems started. Trying to work run on a broken foot isn't fun. Plus, new baby and a toddler....things were changing.

Over the next couple of years I honestly couldn't tell you where I tipped the scales. It was in 2003 when I started a new job in Indiana where the real issues started. My drive was over 90 minutes each way. So that meant I was eating breakfast in the car, eating at buffets for lunch, and eating dinner on the way home, again in the car. I distinctly remember having a weight loss competition with a supplier and when I stepped on the scale I was shocked. I read the number outloud....275. Over the course of the year since I was working in Indiana I had gained over 50 pounds. It wasn't like I was even that old....I haven't even hit 30 yet. 

Still, over the course of the next 15 years I ebbed and flowed. That 275 was pretty much my max. I did get down in to the 230s once. Tim and I had started cycling and that really helped me lose weight. In 2015 when I did Lumberack, I was just under that 250 mark. Maybe not super impressive, but finishing 100 miles at that weight is an accomplishment I will take with me to the grave. Still, trying to watch what I ate was increasingly difficult. I tried to lose the weight, I was just never successful.

The divorce and PE

In 2018 I came to the conclusion that it was time for me to move on from my marriage. High stress and extremely low happiness helped make that decision. It was time. I won't get into anything on it here, its all water under the bridge. But, I was very very unhealthy. I was eating like garbage, I was drinking heavy, and I was lazy as fuck. All of these factors led to a pretty substantial life event for me. Some of you may know, some may not. In the Summer of 2019 I nearly died from a saddle pulmonary embolism. Meaning, I had a big ass blood clot that was present in both lungs. Massive, like bigger than an orange. Frankly, I was lucky that my symptoms finally made me go to the doctor.

Even that near death experience wasn't enough to change my ways. Sure I started moving around a bit more, but I didn't change my eating habits. Slowly the scale approached that magic 300 number. I hadn't seen it yet, but was knocking on the door. Its funny, I remember working with a guy that told me I should just go over 300. Its like a rite of passage he claimed. He was a weight lifter, so he just wanted me to bulk up like him. Unintentionally, I did reach that 300 mark. Then I got to 305. Then it was 307. I believe that is the highest reading I ever saw on the scale. 

The arrival

Over the last few years I again have waffled from 300 plus all the way down to the 260's. Fad diets that work great to reset your system, but don't do anything for longevity were the thing. Whole 30 is no joke. I highly recommend it to everyone....simply to clear the toxins out of your system. It works great. After that, you need a plan. I have never really had one. Just kind of go with the flow and hope it all works out. Last fall I injured my elbow. This changed the entire outlook of 2024 for me. I started the year apprehensive about a heavy riding load. I wanted to, but noticed even in the spring that my body and mind were elsewhere. Then it was determined I would need the tendon repair. This put put me off the bike from early May until nearly August. Not great for someone wanting to be fast on the bike. 

So I sluffed off. Packed on the pounds again. But then there were whispers within the household. Whispers of an activity that could change everything for the better. Funny thing was, it wasn't for me. It was for Chris and her constant pain issues. Because I am generally the curious sort, I looked into it as well. More or less just to see what it would look like. After seeing 305 on the scale yet again, I sent a message to my doctor asking his thoughts. Within an hour there was a referral waiting. No discussion. No other options. A referral. 

I waffled......is this really what I want to do? Do I take the proverbial 'easy way out'? Do I just fucking give up? During the next couple of weeks I waited for a call from the referral. I don't remember exactly how long, but eventually they texted. Then it became a bit more real. No, I don't really want to do this. I can do this on my own. My curiosity got the best of me and I answered the text. Within a few texts the person on the other end asked me if I was ready to make an appointment. I had asked a few general questions, and it was now beyond their knowledge as to what I would need to do. So I answered yes, and 3 dates and times were quickly responded to my phone. 

I chose one.....not really sure I wanted to. But I did. Within two weeks I found myself sitting in a doctors office I never imagined I would be sitting in. Then the normal triage items of weight, blood pressure, and general questions. Nerves....they were begging to tick up at this moment before a surgeon waltzed in the door. In his late 50's he introduced himself as Dr. Baker. His very first question was "why do you want to learn about this option today?" I was sort of caught off guard by the question. He wasn't here to sell, he was wondering why I wanted to learn more. I explained nearly everything above you have read to this point. He smiled and nodded as he listened. 

Then with one sentence he completely changed everything for me. He explained how our weights have a set point. Over time, that set point can fluctuate. However, once that point is set high....it becomes very difficult to move the set point back down. Also, in a world of plenty like we have the body just gets lazy and doesn't stay prepared for famine. This is one of my major issues, abundance of food and my ability to consume said abundance. 

When I parked my car at the office that day I never imagined how quickly my mind would have fluttered to the dark side. That 'easy way out' type of solution. Dr. Baker talked for another 20 minutes and explained everything with a very deep knowledge. I don't like when I can't conjure up any questions, but he had his delivery nailed. He shook my hand and walked out. Before the door closed a physicians assistant was back in with a handful of items. One of which was a binder for me, with a lot of information and things I would need in the upcoming months. 

Now I have heard that in general this can be a 6 month process from the time you decide to the time of the action. I was walking out the door thinking my future would be changed by Christmas. Well, insurance approved and I was booking 5 appointments that would be arriving and completed in less than 3 weeks. Shocking how fast it can actually work. I had a physical, I met with a registered dietician, then had a EDG for them to take a peek at my inners. EDG is a scope that goes down the throat and they check the stomach. These were followed up by a visit to a behavioralist and finalized with a exercise physiologist. The last one was originally scheduled out into August, and I got a call they had an opening I could take so it got moved up nearly 2 weeks. Progress, needless to say, was alarmingly fast. 

Still moving quickly, a major day and the main day were scheduled. What went from a 6 month process was to be completed in just about 7 weeks. This has good and bad things to it. Bad, it is gonna be here QUICK. Good, I am not given the multiple months to talk my shit out it. I scheduled both of the remaining days, and reality started to set in. This is happening. It went from asking if I even qualify, to happening in no time. 

The BIG day

The Big day was a half day at the office. There were 5 other people in a good sized presentation room. One by one the dieticians, physiologists, behavioralists, and others came in and did their part of the presentation. The last week before surgery patients are required to be on their products. Page by page we whittled down breakfasts, lunches, dinners, snacks, drinks, bars and chips before each of had our lists completed. Those lists went to the store and we continued with the presentation. At the end, they came and got us one by one for another physical. After another slew of questions and the actual physical I wandered back over the store where I picked up my meal plan for the next week. This was a week before the MAIN day.

THE MAIN DAY.

Christine and I arrived at the center around 11:30. Now the nerves are starting to flutter. I got to my room and got ready. They started the IV. Gave me drugs....don't ask me because I have no clue. For the next couple of hours there were hospital admins, nurses, anesthesiologists, helpers, physician assistants, medical assistants, medical students, and finally a Surgeon in and out of the room. Surgery was delayed  by another surgeon so they were nearly an hour behind. The nurse had to shave my belly. For those blessed enough to have seen me without a shirt on  you know I am a hairy person. Lisa calls me a squatch. lol. So she slowly clipped and removed the hair. Seeing my belly for the first time I ever remember without hair is a funny thing. I didn't really like it. Ugly. lol. The hair covers a lot. However, everyone was super friendly and asking the typical questions. The one med student was the funniest. He was super tall and lanky kid in his 20's. Awkward. So I had to make it worse. He slowly approached and with a soft voice introduced himself to state (and ask) "I am a current med student at Calvin, do you mind if I stand in for your surgery today?" Not being one to care, I answered with the proper "Of course you can" followed abruptly with a "but don't touch me" which made the room of people laugh. I couldn't pass it up, it was an easy homerun. 

Then it was time. Kissed Chris goodbye and a very young doctorate training anesthesiologist wash wheeling me down the hall. How do I know this....she made a point of telling us twice in my room. lol. Super nice young lady, proud of what she is working towards. The last doors kicked open and it was time to do the big slide onto the cold metal slap of an operating table. My friend that I told not to touch me was there so I smiled and waved hello. I managed to get over there and they were doing all their things. Heart monitors everywhere, IV hooked up to the good stuff, and most importantly making sure I did fall on my ass. I got settled and I felt a hand grab mine. It was our young training anesthesiologist waiting her turn to put me out of my misery. "deep breaths for me Sean"...came from above as the oxygen mask was applied. 

Then over the course of the next 2 hours I have no clue what was going on in that room. Dr. Baker was working his magic and putting incisions around my midriff. I was never going to be an AB model, but that ship has surely sailed now. 

I woke up to my name being called. Its always amazing to wake up in a completely different room with a whole different crew of people. Gratefully, I was feeling pretty good. They took heed of my issues with the drugs on my last surgery. Honestly, I have no clue how long I was in that room. Its all pretty foggy. Thinking back I don't remember even going through the halls to finally arrive at my room where I would be staying the night. I chatted with Chris but was in and out of it for the next few hours. Eventually night arrived and Chris headed home. 

The surgery was over.......but the story is only beginning.

I know this was long. Thank you for reading. Honestly, this has taken me over a week to finish. I also know I NEVER said what the surgery was. Some of you know. Some of you have guessed. Others I have told. I kept it pretty close knit this time around. Stay tuned, I will go into details of that first night. And get into details of the first week. I will have a TON to share and just had to start it like this. 

What now?

 Some of you might wonder where I have been. I got cleared to ride my bike outside almost 2 weeks ago, yet the bikes are still right where they were. So....why?

Well....simply stated....there is a lot going on.

Easy right? lol. Everyone has a lot going on. So its not an excuse. Nor is it a reason. It just is what it is.

First, an update.

The elbow is getting stronger every day. It could be up another 6-12 months before its fully healed. So I am still taking it easy and not pushing it much. It doesn't hurt unless I push that boundary. Then, it can hurt for a while....sometimes days. But, right now it feels pretty good. Just need more time. 

Second update. I have started a light weight workout routine. Nothing special, just a slow build to become stronger. It will build with time, but for now...its just a few weights and motions to keep me moving. 

I haven't been on the bike much, because its in the basement. Not sure the elbow is ready for mountain biking, but the gravel has evaded me as well. I will get there, just had a lot of appointments lately. 

Appointments for what? Well....about that. 

The time has come for another surgery. This time around I am going to play it closer to the vest. It is something that I need to do, and that will be happening next week. I have had a ton of appointments in the last couple of weeks getting ready. Now, its just time to get it done. 

This is the main reason I haven't been very active. I have been researching, going to appointments, getting blood drawn, and trying to mentally prepare for what is coming for me. 

Sure, surgery is never really good. Because in general it is needed for some type of injury, ailment, or something that just needs to be done. However, after the surgery and recovery time the reason for said surgery should be solved. Hopefully. You have to do more work to make the surgery successful. This is why I have been busy doing the research. I want to make sure I am prepared for the aftermath.

But....movement is a big part of recovery. So....they want me moving every day. Every hour actually. For those that have had major surgeries you know that movement helps the healing process. So in the week that I have off I will be on the bike every day. Maybe only 15 minutes to start, but this will be the way that I can heal quicker and get some time in my legs. I asked the question today about how long it will be before I am back to 100%, and its just an unknown. If I follow their rules I can get back there faster. 

I will be on the bike, doing some minor weights, walking the dog, and on a restricted diet to help the process. Hopefully I can be back on the bike (outside) and get some show miles in before the snow flies.

But why? 

Because. Its something I have to do for myself. I have posted about that multiple times before. You cannot pour from an empty cup. After this surgery things will be different and I know that things will change for the better. 

So when are we riding? I wish I knew. Maybe 2 weeks? Maybe 8? But, just know I will post up and maybe you can join me! 

Keep moving forward. 

14 Years.....dang

 

A little late on this post....but.....

How do you measure the impact that someone has on your life? Good or bad, people can set themselves firmly in your memory. Some have bigger memories, some have distinct stories, some made you laugh, some were teachers, some were family, some were friends, some would piss you off, and others were good examples of "what not to do".

Tim was all of these. He was taken away way too soon. But I am left with these memories that pop into my mind from time to time. There was a long time in my life that this man was my best friend. We did everything together. We built computers (well, I watched), we laughed, we did projects for Candy. We built a lot of my house. We went on family camping trips. He cooked his concoctions, I ate them. It was a good time.

Most importantly though, was the sport he got me into. Without Tim, there is a high probability that I wouldn't ride bikes like I do now. We were camping one weekend at Pioneer Park and there were kids out in the woods riding bikes. They were taking little jumps and having a riot. It looked like fun, so we went and got bikes from Wal-Mart. By the end of the weekend we had 2 bikes that were nearly un-rideable and we were hooked. Within a few months we both had our first real mountain bikes and we were off and running. Then one day this crazy idiot comes home with a flyer for Iceman. 

Having never heard of it, we started to look into it. We decided it would be a good family weekend getaway for both families and we headed up. Iceman...ha. It was 50 degrees that first year. I was wearing a cutoff t-shirt and basketball shorts. Eye opening to say the least. The next year, true to form, Iceman was in the 20's. We were better prepared with real riding clothes. That was a long long time ago.

As the years progressed Tim had a few major crashes. The one that was the worst was also closest to home. There was a cross country running trail behind the middle school here in town. We would go out and rip around just to ride. This day, there was a small tree down across the trail. For some reason, Tim planned to bunny hop it. Unfortunately for him, he didn't make it. This was before the days of gopro, or I would have some stellar crash footage. His rear wheel hooked, and he went around so fast that he couldn't get his hands off his bars. His front 180 was promptly stopped with his face. He was knocked out cold. The way his helmet was sitting had me worried he may have broken his neck. Thankfully it was just twisted from impact. (his helmet, not his neck). I could see blood dripping from his eye and he wasn't moving. After getting his 6'3" body untangled from the bike, I started to process his situation. We are a mile from home. He is knocked out. No phone. I decided I would stabilize him. Being that I had not had real training yet, I was going to roll him. I unbuckled his helmet (which I now know would have been bad if his neck was broken) and his eyes popped open.

He sat up and looked around. Then he stated "guess I didn't make it" and smiled. We started walking out of the wood and he decided riding would be faster. Mind you, we are less than a mile from our houses. We lived next door to each other. But, by the time we got home he couldn't remember what happened. I had told him around 3 times by the time we rolled into the driveway. Our wives (at the time) were there and were like...uh oh. I went to the ER with them because I was the only one that knew what happened. The doc came out after examining him and sat next to me in the waiting room. He looks me up and down and says "well you don't have a scratch on you....what the heck happened". So I explained and he just smiled and went back to stitch Tim's eye up. His glasses has gashed open his eyebrow. Oh, when he came back to consciousness in the woods and I told him his eye was bleeding, Tim proceeded to take his glove full of dirt to check.....thus filling the cut full of dirt. In hindsight, that probably slowed the bleeding. lol. What a mess.

Tim was never really ever much of a rider after that. He tried. He wanted to. He was just nervous and hesitant in his riding. That made it rough because riding tense can cause more crashes. Eventually he stopped fully and sold off all his gear. We did many "remember big timmy" rides after he passed. Those ended up turning into something other than what I had imagined and those too ceased. But I still remember them. I still remember Tim. I will never forget all the stories and laughs we had. I cannot believe it has been 14 years since you passed. Seems crazy to me. But here we are. Keep holding things down up there. Keep pushing those limits with the jokes. Keep the level of inappropriate right at the line where the fear of you crossing it is real. Keep watching over us all.

Thank you Brother, you know I couldn't have done it without you. 

When it all fell apart

I can't really put my finger on the exact moment, it was more of a gradual thing. Now its easy to look back and see what we all had, versus where we are now. Its way different now. Different in the fact that the faces have changed and the groups are smaller. Let me explain.

In 2015 it was great. We had a solid team with Custer Cyclery. I can't really even list off all of the people that I used to ride with. We spent a lot of time together at races, on long kal-haven rides, or just seeing each other in general. These group rides started as 3-4 people and eventually blossomed into 20ish people on some rides. Solid groups of all skill levels just riding along and enjoying everything from nature, to the ride, to the company. Those rides started to dwindle towards the end of Custer Cyclery. Then covid hit and drove a deeper wedge into the groups. No longer could we hang out in groups of 20 people, because people were either scared or they just used it as an excuse to continue the dissolving of the teams and groups. 

Maybe it was the evolution to Gravel racing from mountain bike racing. The MTB races are generally shorter and that gives people a reason to hang out afterwards. The gravel races being a bit long, and many many more people....meant that the people were all spread out. Sure there is a team tent, but at these events you could see less and less teammates every year. In all honesty, I did step away from any sort of team. I simply wasn't feeling it anymore. The team I was on just felt different. I have always felt like an outsider, but that feeling would grow every event. There was the usual suspects on the team that would offer their encouragement, but everyone else seemed to have their own agenda, and I did too. I wouldn't stay after races. I would just go to my car, clean up, and head home. Isolating. I did this because it all just felt different.  

I know part of this feeling I have is totally my fault. But, if I had to do it all over again I never would have gotten into a relationship with one of women in the friend group. When I eventually broke up with her, it destroyed my changes of being part of that group anymore. She was there long before I was, and while I had great relationships with many of the people.....I barely talk to any of them anymore. My staple friends are still around, but no longer are there group activities that I am invited to. By proxy, I am outside of the group anyway. Most of that group lives in and around the Kalamazoo area, and I live in Allegan. 

Still, part of it is just a natural progression. People lose interest in riding and move onto other hobbies. Some have sustained crashes that caused injures that add to their reasons for leaving. I get it, but I miss these people more than they know. Some of these people have been my biggest cheer leaders over the years. Life just moves us around and our priorities change. I do the same, I am no different. After raising 4 kids and going through a terrible divorce, I choose what I do. My kids are all 18 and out of the house now. That frees me up to make my own choices, and depending on circumstances, I choose to ride or spend time with Christine. Everyone has their lives. All all of our lives are not interconnected like they were when racing or a big group ride was the dominant attraction. 

It just falls apart.....and its all different now. That is ok. I am sure it will all change again someday. Maybe I join another team. Maybe I join group rides again. Maybe a small group of 2-3 riders will once again blossom into groups of 20. We don't know what will happen, but we can keep moving forward...

.....one pedal stroke at a time. 

Moving along

 The small victories come and go. Life is always ups and down.

Last night for example, I started not feeling the best. That has continued into today and I feel like I am dragging ass. I am hoping the coffee kicks in soon. 

I did get on the bike last night before I was feeling off. It wasn't a fast ride, but it was a ride. It was just about 35 minutes on Zwift. Not fast, not far, just a ride. I have to chalk this up in the small victory column. I didn't ride at all over the weekend. And a short ride is better than no ride. 

Legs feel pretty good, just no power. My attention is generally on my elbow. Just over 2 months removed from surgery and it is still healing. I know this is a long process, and I am doing my best to remember that I had a tendon reconnected and I should be grateful I can ride at all. The elbow starts to ache around the 20 minute mark. I have to keep adjusting my grip to try to alleviate the ache. I flex it back and forth too, trying to ensure circulation. By 30 minutes I am pretty much done. I had to keep going last night to complete my route, so ended up with about 35 minutes. Again, a tick in the plus column.

These short rides will help me build my base for 2025. 

Yes....2025.

I know its only July of 2024 and it seems like 'next year' is so far away, but it will be here before we know it. I mean, Barry Roubaix is only 38ish weeks away. lol. What a crazy thing to think about. I am sitting here thinking about events that are anywhere from 3/4 to a full year away. Bananas. However, I am thinking about these events because I know I have a lot of work to do. So knowing how long I have to get that work done is important. 

I am 1000% a numbers guy. I analyze everything. It gives me better vision on my long term goals. An example would be to complete the 62 mile course at Barry Roubaix. I fell way short in 2023, finishing just over 30 miles. Sure it was hot, and excuse, excuse excuse. Whatever the reason, I gave up and didn't finish. So, finishing the longer course is a big goal. I can build up to that over the nearly 9 months I have before crossing the start line. 

That means riding a lot. I do plan to. Just have to build up my strength so I can ride longer. It is a work in progress. Its only a few weeks until I should be cleared to ride normal. I will still have to take it somewhat easy as I won't be completely healed, but I will be able to be outside. That gives me 2 weeks to build up enough strength to handle an hour or more on the road. Slowly but surely I will get there. Just have to continue with the small victories every day. 

That does bring up another thought for me. I was watching a video from BR 62 from this year. It is Joseph Lampen's POV from the race. Link is here. In my events, I am generally alone. I ride with a few people in the beginning, but then it all dissipates and I am on an island. There are a few reasons. Mainly, I am not fast enough to keep up with the main group. That is ok, because the speeds and size of the group can make the ride sketchy. There are lots of smaller groups, and I can't hang with them either. Then there are the stragglers like me. People that get spit out of the groups and ride solo most of the event. My reason for not teaming up with these riders is that they simply lack the experience of 'group riding'. Many of the stragglers don't know how to work with another rider, let alone a group of riders. To do this takes some level of trust, and if a rider is squirrely I don't like to stay close. 

I want to be strong enough in 2025 to stick with one of the smaller groups. A group of people that can work together to get to the finish line. Could be 5 or 10. Doesn't matter. Just a group that understands how to work together, and that rides my pace. It makes the ride faster, shorter, and less boring. On many of my races I am alone. While that is ok, its better to have people around you. So, one of my goals is to hang with a faster group as long as I can. Maybe even the finish line. 

To do this....I have to keep laying the foundation blocks. One at a time. I will keep moving along.