Believe.....

A few years ago I used my anger to fuel my training. With every pedal stroke I pictured the face of my enemy. Then there was multiple people on the list. It might sound funny....but proving someone wrong can be a huge motivator. It just happened.

Sure I skip rides....2 already this week. No excuses other than I just have to figure out how to train with the way my body and digestive tract decides to work. Some days will be better than others...and I just need to swap days from a training day to a rest day when the body disagrees. This....is a basic fundamental of training. Some days you just don't have it.

But back to the "prove them wrong" list. I did it in 2015. I proved a person so wrong....that they talked to me for the first time in 3 years....by congratulating me after I finished the LJ100. I am reminded of Marvin from Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy when I think of this particular person.....because he would give advice and repeat the advice...and I would never listen.

It was only after he stopped giving it and walked away from me with "you will never get there" attitude that I gained some perspective.....which turned into a spiteful focus. I had the following thoughts:

First was "how dare he be truthful about my actions"

Which led to "I don't fucking need your help asshole"

Turning into "fuck, maybe he was right....I do need to change"

Finally arriving at "I will be successful....just to prove to you that I can do it"

But in turn, this led to me believing more in myself than anyone else ever could have. Confidence. I gained so much over that time period...but then it all shattered. I allowed myself to fall back into where I was before....just slogging thru with no goals or belief in myself.

The pic above is from my very first Barry Roubaix ride. I wasn't ready....but I had people around me that believed I was ready and pushed me try...pushed me to believe....pushed me to succeed. Those people are still around, but my negativity has pushed them to a point where I don't know if they believe in me any more than I believe in myself.

Today, a few minutes ago, I just got pissed off enough to do what it takes again. Diet. Training. Life. Time to get ahold of the reigns and guide this horse. A guy that it big into Cross-fit was chatting with another guy at lunch about working out. They were talking about plans and when they squeeze workouts into their schedule. I smiled and said "mine is a mess, but I am getting back on track" to which the one guy responds "I have known you for a long time and you are all talk". Snap. Called me right out....right in front of witnesses and everything. 

I won't do what I am going to do for him....or to prove him wrong. I will do this for myself first. Proving him wrong will be the icing on the cake (which I won't be eating because I am tired of being fat)

Finally back!!

Maybe you don't know...but I have been struggling with some health issues for the past 2 months. The good news is....I am finally healing and ready to get back into action!

What better place to test the fitness....than Yankee Springs?? dumb right? Well, not exactly...

See, I needed to head out and ride in the snow for multiple reasons....and Yankee was just another reason. Here they are.

1. Snow, buck up and get out there in the cold (even though it was 30's)

2. Just get out and ride to see where my fitness level actually is located.

3. Yankee, well...because I know the trail...I know it is hard....and why not?

I geared up and headed out. There was a group riding, but I needed to just ride solo and get my bearings. First off, Yankee was in great shape! I am sure that has been ruined by the 40+ degree days and the SHIT TON of rain we got today, but it was good when I was there.

I started on the warm-up loop...which is different now. Last year they made the excellent decision to move the start/finish of both loops to the main parking lot instead of up the road towards the entrance. After a quick stop at the directional sign I was off and riding. Not fast, just pedaling. Trying to figure out what this fatbike thing is all about....especially in the snow.

Some of my friends might remember my first ride on a fatty....and how it ended with me in a pile with Dan using me as a landing pad! I have only ridden this bike 2-3 times and am still getting acclimated to a bike that is 16 pounds heavier than The D.U.F.F. 

The ride was about as expected. I was running out of gas pretty early for the simple fact that I have zero endurance. Still, it was a great day to be out in the woods again doing what I love. I will get my legs back and then we can go for a ride, until then....keep the rubber side down!

Answers coming?

Perhaps I have some answers coming tomorrow. I have my followup with my GI doctor. 

Last Friday I had an endoscopy done and they actually found an ulcer. So, part of my issues have been explained. I had a CT scan Wednesday. All the "final" results will be tomorrow....hopefully.

I have been feeling better...to an extent. I was able to take my youngest on her Ski trip Tuesday and we were on the slopes all day. 

So the good news was that my endurance was pretty solid. I am sore as hell today, but I am old and stuff. I am just heading in the right direction and hope to have some answers tomorrow.

I have been on the trainer a few times and plan to get outside this weekend. Hopefully that goes well.

Need to get the legs going before the season gets here....and it is right around the corner.