Solo Kal-Haven

Even though I was signed up for the Holland 100 I decided to defer. I emailed them weeks ago and told them that I wasn't going to be there and to use my entry as fund raising money.

I surely am not ready for 100. Yes, they have shorter distances. I understand that. I just am not in the frame of mind to be around over 1000 people.....and showing how real the struggle is.

So, I made plans to ride Kal-Haven instead. Knowing I needed to ride and wanting to get outside, this was a great choice. It did rain overnight, and it rained a LOT. But I figured I would drive down and check it out before just bailing out.

I loaded up and headed to Gobles. The plan was to ride from Gobles into Kalamazoo before heading back. A nice 26 mile out and back route. When I pulled into the parking area in Gobles there was an alarming number of vehicles present. This was just after 8am on a Saturday. Bravo people, bravo.

Right after I parked a few guys rode past headed toward South Haven. They were clean. I figured I was in business. I geared up and started out on the lonely jaunt to the 'Zoo.

Legs felt pretty good overall. I wasn't pushing very hard. Just riding. Found a pace and settled in. The trip was fairly uneventful. The miles just ticked by. The gravel base was solid other than a few minor greasy spots. The air was cool. My mind was wandering. I honestly cant tell you what I was thinking about. I don't know. It was just nice to be totally unplugged and cooking along.  I started to see a few people on bikes headed away from Kalamazoo. And the closer I got to 10th street, as usual, the more people I was starting to see. 

I got to the trailhead on 10th St and did a quick stock check. Everything seemed to be good. Swapped bottles around and started back to Gobles. 

As I was leaving the trail head I saw a group of people that had been walking. They were mulling around chatting and cleaning shoes. A lady goes "well you are headed back out for more??!" in a type of question statement voice. I just smiled and said "my car is still this way" and was on my way.

For those whom have never ridden this rail trail I will offer a bit of insight. From the 10th street trail head it is downhill for a long time. Not a steep intense major downhill. But a constant enough downhill that you can be cruising 20+ with minimal effort. This section really helps bulk the average speed ;)

I again found my mind wandering. I was comfortable on the bike and the pace was decent. Its funny, because its way slower than how fast I would prefer to ride. At this point, its all about the base. Speed is relative. All of a sudden, TURKEY. A hen was tucked in on the left side of the trail and she bolted when I got close. She ran across the trail and I braked enough to miss her. She figured it might be a good idea to race me after that. She turned parallel with the trail and was hauling ass down the tree line. I braked and yelled at her to get her ass out of the way. 

I feared for my life....

Anyway....where was I. Oh, I had about 6 or 7 miles to go. Still was feeling pretty good overall. But, legs were starting to get tired. I was 20 miles in, which shouldn't be a problem for me. My endurance has been on vacation for 6 months, so 20 miles was about enough. lol.

I rolled into Gobles with just under 27 miles. It was a great day to be out on the bike and back doing the sport I love...the sport that I always seem to turn my back on. 

But I was out there. And I will get there, one pedal stroke at a time. 

Set the goal for 2023

 Goals will generally help me stay motivated. Sure, last year the train went off the tracks, but goal of C2C kept me moving forward for a long time. 

The problem was, I don't think I believed I could do it. Yes, I set goals that are tough, but generally attainable. And if I miss the goal, its not the end of the world. Look at the Coast to Coast being 210 miles is surely daunting. But when I signed up I believed I could finish. Unfortunately the closer that event came the less confident I was. The closer it got, the less motivated I got. It was backwards. 

The first part of the 2021 was solid. I was finishing long races faster than I ever had in the past. Still, I wasn't losing weight and I was using a laundry list of excuses. Pretty typical of me....

Somewhere along the way during LJ100

I look back to 2015. This was the one and only time I ever attempted The Lumberjack 100. That year things were different. When I clicked the "register" button the whole vibe changed. That year was likely my best year for Mental toughness. Simply stated, I believed. 

Earned.

Its about time to come full circle. I am going to race and finish Lumberjack 100 in 2023. I have nearly a year to do what needs to be done. Mentally, I have to dig in and have that fortitude that I had in 2015. Pushing past doubt. Digging in when it hurts instead of giving up. Embracing the suck.

There are too many analogies to put them all down. So I will end this post. If you see me anytime soon please take note. In a year I will be transformed. I am going to ride more. I am hiring a coach again. I am going to be where I want to be.

Lets get to it.

The damage is done....

Not many people have seen me lately. Not going to lie....I tanked.

Mood left. Motivation left. Mass found me. 

The damage was done.....

However, it can be fixed.

In 2021 my season started great. I was riding a ton. I was hitting goals. I was winning at life. Unfortunately for me and my life....chaos always seems to ensue. That chaos came in the form of continued family issues. If you know me, family comes first. I give my all. Turn my focus to the issue. In turn....I lose myself.

The image above speaks volumes. Because I focus so much on getting thru the chaos I empty my cup. So the chaos is managed, and my mind is in turn chaotic. The image below goes hand in hand with the one above...

If you take care of yourself....filling your cup....you in turn have a full cup to pour out of. I always go back to what the airlines tell you to do in case of emergency. 

Step 1: place your mask on

Step 2: help others with their masks

The short story here is....if you don't get your mask on and you pass out, you are no good to anybody. You take care of yourself first and you are able to help others. Plain and simple.

It brings me back to how I got here. I allowed the scale to creep higher. I stopped riding. I have been trying to pour from an empty cup and all it does is make my cup bigger. Digging a deeper hole so to speak. The deeper the hole, the harder it is to get out of. Not impossible, just difficult.

But when have I ever done things the easy way....sigh.

So its time to reload. Get back to the basics. Ride. Sleep. Eat less. Eat Better. Ride. 

That combo will get me where I need to be. Sure the damage is done. The hole is dug. But now its time to get back on track with myself. I will still have that chaos, but I need to manage it better. And in that management, remember that I am important too. I am no good to anyone if I am under the dirt. 

I plan to do LJ100 again in 2023. This gives me just under a year to be where I want to be.

Care to join me?