Getting there

 It can be pretty amazing how your mindset effects your efforts. Since I made the decision to do LJ100 in 2023 I have ridden more miles. By more miles, I mean...I have nearly as many miles in the past 3 weeks as I had the previous 6 months.  

As I said before, the damage was done. However, I do notice that even with the lack of miles in my legs that I am bouncing back. I know I can't get on the bike and ride 100 miles right now. 50 would be a very bad idea. 40.....sure why not. Its not that much of a stretch over the 30 I have ridden recently. 

The perspective is the weird part. I need to remember to keep things in perspective. I didn't get where I am overnight. I did a little bit of damage every single day. Slowly making that number on the scale bigger. I need to reverse the process exactly the same way. 

The first step was pumping the brakes. I did that with a CTJ moment a while ago. I took that hard look at myself. At the end of the day, I am responsible for both the damage and the healing.

To that aspect, I am getting there. Mentally I know I will waver. I always do. But, I also know I have the capability to enforce the mental toughness on myself. I was in a terrible marriage for 20 years, I have 4 kids, I have what can be a stressful job at times. Life. I made it this far....so I know I am able. lol.

The key will be consistency. I did good for a few weeks and then struggled again for a few days. Struggling is ok. We all deal with it. But that reminds me of something I heard many many years ago. A friend of mine was really down in the dumps. And the hits kept coming. Then there was a death to someone very important to them. At the funeral you could see the struggle and could see my friend was at the breaking point. Another friend and I were chatting and he told me it was time to have a talk with our friend. We went to dinner after the funeral. My friend said one of the most profound things I have ever heard. He told my saddened friend this:

"I know you are struggling my friend. Here is what you need to do. I want you to go home and have a few days to yourself. I want you to deal with everything you are feeling. If you are down....get as far down as you can possibly go. Feel it. Deal with it. But then like a phoenix I want to see you rise. What you are going thru is real. I am not telling you to forget about it. I want you to deal with it and then dust yourself off and come back stronger. Its ok to feel your feelings and to be down. Just don't get stuck there"

I saw a transformation in my friend within a week. It was pretty amazing.

My point it....whatever we are dealing with is ours to deal with. Its how we deal with it that determines the outcome. Some people deal with things gracefully. Some people look like a dumpster fire but they keep pushing on. Either way, we deal.

So life will happen. But, I am getting there. Setbacks will happen. But I won't let them derail me. I can't let it happen....this is my life I am talking about. 

Keep pushing.