remember, remember....

No...not Guy Forks and the 5th of November. What this post is about is remembering the feeling....

....that feeling of...

...smashing a climb....

....zipping past trees....

...the cool water of a creek crossing splashing on your legs....

...the major tan lines...

...the roar of the crowd...

...passing another rider...

....being fast...

...crossing the finish line...

....and stepping onto the podium.

It has happened before.....and it will happen again.

2016 was the last time I did. The Treetops race I podium by default. There were only 3 of us...and I got crushed....by a lot. But, I was there....and I did earn that podium spot. One of the toughest courses I have ever ridden. Just so much climbing.

TK Lawless was the last time I stepped on the podium. I mustered a 2nd place and actually beat someone that day. Unfortunately, this was the last race that I finished. I declined fairly rapidly after this race and fell off the proverbial wagon.

So we reach 2018 and I finally hit the reset button on racing. I knew going in that I wouldn't be competitive for a couple of reasons. First, as I mentioned before, I am very heavy. That is like dragging an anchor around and trying to be fast. Sure I am gaining strength, but I still have to haul this mASS up all the hills. Second, I didn't have many miles last year. With a fading 2016 and less than 700 miles in 2017 I am just not ready to mix it up for a top spot.

Setting and reaching a goal for Lowell was exciting. Setting and narrowly missing a goal for Barry Roubaix was acceptable. Then reality set in with a crushing DFL at Yankee. Beaten but not bruised I toed the line again the following weekend at the Fort Custer Stampede and had a very solid ride. 

Wait...where was I going with this...oh....remember!

My point is this....with racing comes a different level of riding. I had forgotten this. During a race I am able to dig deeper and push harder than on just a normal ride. The first two gravel races were just that...find a pace...and ride. Yankee was where it started to come back. The thrill of racing and having people blast past. Which is also a stark reminder of my fitness level. I got passed a lot at Yankee because the course doesn't suit my riding style....or climbing prowess. 

Fort Custer is a better place for me to test because it is flat. At the start I was able to keep up with part of the group for a solid portion of the ride. Being rusty made me push harder than I probably would have. I didn't want to blow up and I finally remembered that a few miles in before I settled down into my eventual pace. Tactics....I had to remember how to race again. How to use the rush of the crowd to push me on. How to do a bottle handoff. Crazy right? But it started to come back to me and by the second lap at Custer I was comfortable and started to push where I knew I could. 

My mentality for this season has been to progress from Lowell 50 in the spring to Lowell 50 in the fall and see how it measures up. Watching my team and friends stand on the podium has helped me gain that spark for riding that I have been missing for so long. I have found myself looking at the calendar to see what is next. Researching lap times and watching youtube videos of the next event. Looking to see who will be there and wondering how I will actually finish. 

I know right now I am a long way from standing on a podium. What I have are the memories of being there to drive me to do better. To lose the weight and ride more. To regain that mental toughness I had when I pushed through 100 miles of Lumberjack in 2015. I will continue to try. And who knows, one of these times I might just get to step on one of those steps again....