Whoops, and eh.....next year looks solid

Took another hiatus....apologies. I am working on getting back into the swing of blogging on the weekdays. Clearly that hasn't been good this year. But, things are changing and I am planning my 2020 so....here we go.

For the year 2020 I am putting 2 huge events on my schedule. Everything else will lead up to these. They are....

While one of these might be obvious....the other might not be so clear. But all the events I do up to the first one (above) will be strictly for training for these 2 events. For Barry roubaix I am pondering the 62 miler. For The lowell 50...the 52 mile choice. If there is a long event before mid June....I am wanting to use it for training, for testing, for realizing.

The undertaking of an off road century is nasty enough. But the following weekend will be even worse. Twice the distance. And if you have seen me recently....you know I am nowhere near ready for these types of events. But....I am laying down a plan.

I am learning more on nutrition. I am putting my ass on the saddle as much as I can. That starts this week. Better choices for food. Healthier choices. Lifestyle changes. All the "yada yada" that has been posted on here before. I am tired of starting over. So I am just starting. 

Any endurance ideas....nutrition secrets....books on all of this...including the mental side....are welcome and appreciated. I know what I have to do....but knowledge is surely power. The more I learn the better.

Lets fucking do this.

Resetting

I realize I haven't posted in a long time, and here is why.

Life.....as usual.

But this time.....the wrenches were bigger. The hills were steeper. The walls were higher.

So, where to start.....I guess....last year.

In November I made the long overdue decision to separate from my wife of nearly 20 years. We started a trial separation and I got a small apartment. We actually went on our 20 year anniversary dinner, which was strange and sorta awkward. Anyway, I decided to change it to a divorce in December and it was officially filed. We still celebrated the holidays together for the kids, and things went very well. No issues.

So you can guess, my stress is pretty high. In turn, I only rode a few times over the past few months. I hit the trail in the snow a few times, even did an event in January. But then my riding fell off and I slid deeper into a life of stress and depression. The unknown and I don't get along very well. I prefer to know exactly what is happening all the time and exactly how things will end. At this point in my life I was totally out of control.

I did a few rides and was just having trouble breathing, but it felt really good to be out. The breathing got worse, so I went to doc for an inhaler. Gave that a shot, and it never really seemed to work. One lonely Friday I headed out for a solo ride at Luton Park. I made it about half a mile before my lungs were giving out and my heart rate was super high. Understanding this isn't right, I took the inner loop back to the car. Even that was highly difficult because I felt like I couldn't breathe. I managed to get to the car and to sit down right before passing out. Thankfully I didn't, but it took me 15 minutes in full AC for me to recover enough to get the bike on the car. 2 whopping miles, and I felt like I was going to die. Clearly, something was wrong.

A little history, I did notice that I was more huffy than normal when I would get to the top of the stairs at my apartment. Yeah, I am a big guy but a flight of stairs never bothered me before. Now it was. Laundry up and down the stairs was a chore. So the signs were developing. That weekend after I rode and was miserable I started to feel ok. Sunday up the stairs was rough, so I emailed the doc the next day. Monday night I dropped off my girls with their Mom and my youngest wouldn't get out of the car. She kept sitting there and talking. I believe she was thinking something was awry with me, that I just didn't seem right. When I got to the top of the stairs this time.....I knew something was wrong. Felt like I was going to pass out and simply couldn't get a breath in.

So I made the appointment and headed in. The next series of events was fairly eye opening. Here it goes:

• Get to doc and get signed in.
• Get called back for vitals.
• Oxygen is at 85% and heart rate is at 120 (NOT GOOD for a short walk)
• Took me into room and ran EKG
• Nurse showed Doc EKG, ran another EKG.
• Nurse left to show Doc
• Doc returns and asks if I am having chest pains
• tells me "don't freak out, but we are going to give you some asprin and put you on oxygen"
• lays me down on bed and states that Ambulance is on the way
• So....heart attack? YIKES
• Nurse arrives with baby asprin and oxygen
• wait patiently for Ambulance
• in hindsight, I knew something was wrong....so I was fairly relaxed at this point because I was at a doctor office. 
• Ambulance arrives
• load me on bed
• start IV.....I didn't pass out (HIGH FIVE)
• Ambulance makes the 6 mile trek to Mercy Health in Grand Rapids.
• Paramedics roll me into Room 21 of the Emergency Room.
• They ask if I want to be drug to the next bed or if I can move.
• Not being lazy, I got up and moved from one bed to the other. A whopping 6 feet
• Oxygen tanks and heart rate spikes again
• ER Doc thanks me for showing her what my symptoms were and not having to describe them.
• They say "you are pretty sick sweetheart"
• Nerves now a bit tenser
• Doc orders a bunch of tests and they draw a SHIT TON of blood. (thankfully they used the IV)
• 15 minutes pass and I get carted to CT
• Radiologist (I think that is what they are called) tells me they will put Iodine in me and it will feel like I am going to piss my pants.
• They put me in CT
• Scan 1
• Scan 2
• Ok, we are adding the iodine
• Slow.....warm feeling from head down to my....I AM PISSING MY PANTS!!!!!
• I wasn't, but he also wasn't kidding. What a feeling that was.
• CT Scan done, back to Room 21 in the ER
• 15 more minutes pass
• I hear the nurses station taking bets on "what is wrong with 21"
• I perk up because.....that is my room
• I hear them say "wow thats huge" and can only assume they are talking about my............brain (get your mind out of the gutter)
• Doctor enters room with nurse
• Doc is telling me that I have a saddle pulmonary embolism. In other works, a big fucking blood clot in my lungs....both of them.
• Nurse is fairly frantic in the room slamming drawers and dropping stuff
• (this makes me more nervous because she had a sense of urgency she didn't have before)
• While talking to Doc more the nurse gets her wits and starts IV in other arm
• Shortly thereafter a slow drip of clear blood thinner was being streamed into my body.
• Then, ultrasound came and got me
• Did an ultrasound on both legs
• Found another clot in right leg
• Took me from there right upstairs to my room
• Next morning they did a Heart Eko to ensure my heart didn't have any damage. (at this point we know it was strained, but unclear if there will be any damage)
• Sat there for 4 days and finally got sent home.

Basically, I could have died if I had pushed it any further than I did. Doc told me that "chances are if you had pushed it another week that you would not have made it to hospital alive". Well, if that isn't a kick in the life button I really don't know what is. I was off work for the next 2 weeks and was researching what the hell was exactly going on with me. One issue....they can't test my blood for coagulation disorders....because of the blood thinners. Which I am grateful for, because they have me alive. ugh. 

Anyway, add the near miss stress on top of marital stress which is compounded with life stress and....yeah....I am very grateful to be alive today. 

Since the blood thinners I have ridden a few times. 3 rides on the trainer and then 2 outside rides. I rode 2 laps at Riley and felt better than I have in a long time. So I decide to push it and ride 20 on Sunday at Kal-Haven. That went off without a hitch. So, I am working my way back with some potential big plans for 2020 depending on what the doctors say. I can do normal activities....just have to be careful not to bleed to death. 

This Monday I went to doc to check some swelling in my hand, just the right one. They are sending me to another ultrasound on Friday to see if there is a clot there too. If so, the thinners should be working and I don't know if anything else will happen with that. But, if there is.....I will be sent to a fancy hematologist, or a blood doctor. They will work with me to figure out what is going on. I want to get to the bottom of it, because I feel so much better and don't want any repeat hospital visits. ugh.

Today some of my stress was relieved. My divorce was officially final as of this morning. So my stress will be changing and I plan to get back on the bike and do some adventuring. If both people that read this are interested.....hit me up for a slow ride. I am truly starting from scratch again. For those that don't give a rip about my personal life....sorry for wasting your time. 

See you all soon. Reset 2.0 has begun

Free Agency

Right now I don't know what 2019 looks like.

 I would like to say that I will be racing all season long, but chances are that I will not be. 

I might only do Lumberjack 100. Or not.

I might do the Coast to Coast gravel grinder. Or not.

I might race a full season....or just a single race.

I really don't know.

What I do know is this....as of this moment I am no longer on a team. I will always be part of the Custer team but with 2019 so up in the air I decided to pull back. With my job and all my riding trending further north it has become nearly impossible to get into the shop. Working in GR there are shops all over the place if I need something.

So, while I will always love Dan and the rest of my Custer Cyclery teammates, it is looking like that chapter is closing.

In 2019 I plan to ride ride ride and just see what happens! See you out there!

Lowell 50 (fall edition) Recap

When I signed up for this race my intent was to measure my gains for 2018. I did the spring version at a time of 2:40:00 and I wanted to see how I stacked up this fall. 

Unfortunately my mileage dropped off in September and then tanked in October. Total for the two months before this event was only about 80 miles. Yikes. But, here is my recap.

I awoke to drizzly grey skies with temps in the low 40's. Having packed the night before, with nearly every piece of cycling clothing I own, I only had to load the DUFF and I was off to pick up Matt. We rolled into Fallasburg Park around 8:30 and the lots were already starting to fill. The rain was heavy at times but it was more of just a heavy sprinkle than rain. We picked up our packets and headed back to the burb to get ready. We agreed that it is much better to have plenty of time to warm up and not be stressed before the start of a race.

Once we were geared up it was time for a warm up. I dressed perfect with just tights, a warm under armor and mid weight gloves. The warmup was done and it was to the line. Wave 1 was off and I was realizing that Wave 2 and 3 were mixed heavily. So much so that a wave 3 rider stopped at the start line and created chaos while the wave 2 people rode around. No accidents that I know of, but a nervous way to start.

The roll out was over as we reached the covered bridge, and I was dumped. lol. I knew it would happen so I just rode. With no miles in my legs I knew riding hard would lead to disaster. The first nasty climb was here, and I just couldn't do it. Started to walk. Couldn't get comfortable at all as my heart rate was all over. Around an hour into the race I was finally feeling ok. I was in my endurance pace at a solid 11 mph. lol. At that point I figured I was not going to be anywhere near my Spring result, but I kept on turning. 

I was comfortable riding my own race. A few people around, some passing...passing very few. I just ticked off the miles while my brain went to the normal thoughts of "how did we get here again" and "why the hell do we do this"....along with "next year will be better friend". 

I reeled in a guy that passed me as I was still feeling pretty good. At 20ish miles I started to cramp. Not normal cramps, but when I stood to pedal my quads were firing super hard and tyring to lock. They were fine when seated and pedaling, just not standing. ugh. More fluids. No help from the wind. I realized I was within 5 miles. Started to get excited.

For some reason I always excel at the end of my races. I have that one more boost that I can use. I used it. Then up the road I thought I spied a riding buddy. I couldn't tell, but I was surely getting closer. I had a new goal, catch him. It gave me a mental boost I needed to plod thru as I was closing in on him. I still couldn't tell if it was him, but I was still trying to get him. Turning off the gravel a guy in front of me went down hard on the wet pavement. I felt obliged to stop even though an officer was there. I got him unclipped and off the road. He was gaining his bearings and I said "there really isn't anymore I can do, there is an officer if you need help...good luck" and off I went. I knew if I stopped that my legs would have me writhing on the side of the road sooner rather than later. 

Figuring my chase was over I simply settled back in to my pace. Then i saw that guy again about half way up a long climb. Goal reinstated. I rode as hard as I could and was rewarded by a super fast descent. I was gaining again. Last long climb I could tell he was struggling. At the top of the hill I caught him and as I looked to my left I realized it was my buddy. He realized it was me too, but he was just gassed. I took the next descent hard and hit the next few rollers with all the might I had left before making the last left toward the park. I rolled across the line in 2:45:41. I was only 5:41 slower than my spring race, and I stopped for at least 2 minutes to help the guy that crashed. 

Overall, it was a solid ride. I was even able to walk down the stairs the next morning!

Now, time to get some base miles going and bust out Albert for some snow!

c-C-C-C-CHANGES

Life isn't always glorious. It has a way of getting in the way of riding bikes. 

Last month I had a total of 5 rides for 65 miles.

This month I have a whopping total of 2 rides for 22 miles.

Tomorrow....I will riding 33 at the Lowell 50, er...the Flat river Race series...eh...the Lowell classic gravel road race. Click here to check it out. 

Needless to say I am very rested going into this event. I might have even added a few pounds so I can crush the descents. 

This much I know. My family is going through a major change and I need to get into the habit of taking care of myself. Something that I have never really done in the past. Because of that, I haven't made riding a priority.

What better way to get back on the wagon than to "race". 

I will be there.....all of me. Just hoping to finish. that is the only goal I need.

Back at it

After a three week hiatus I saddled up and headed out for a ride on Friday evening. Knowing I haven't ridden at all in the month of September I decided to stick to a known loop of about 18 miles. The first mile was rough. Legs just didn't want to go. By the second mile my legs started to ease in a bit. There is a stretch on this loop where it is pretty flat and you just turn the pedals for a few miles straight. It is easy to get settled in. I did manage to settle in for the most part, other than the wind gusts that would slow me down. Overall it was a good way to get back to riding.

Saturday was filled with school clothes shopping, but Sunday after grocery shopping I headed out again. I rode almost the same loop as Friday, just a bit longer. I was able to settle in and feel pretty good overall, but I could tell I was riding slow. You can feel that your speeds are lower. I plugged away and ended up with just over 21 miles. I noticed as I was getting close to home that the temps had dropped. It wasn't all that warm when I started, but I am guessing it was under 60 degrees when I got home. Glad the ride wasn't much longer, temps drop fast this time of year. 

At any rate, a good weekend of breaking the legs back in. I did sign up for the fall edition of the Lowell 50 so I need to keep moving and get some good base miles. 

If Tomorrow never comes

This is illogical. It is easy to sit back and say "I will do it tomorrow" or we will plan on "starting tomorrow". But in reality....does Tomorrow even exist? Yes, it does....but do we ever actually get to "tomorrow"? Meaning, when does "tomorrow" actually get here. Because as soon as it seems like "tomorrow" it actually turns into "today" and then the day after "tomorrow" turns into "tomorrow". So, "tomorrow" never actually gets here.

Kind of like when you have nothing you actually have something.....nothing. So you can never actually have nothing because you always have something...even if it is nothing. Make sense?

Anyway, the best time to start is always tomorrow. Because the perpetual cycle continues. We all say we will do it tomorrow when in reality we know we never intend to do it. Tomorrow opens us up to a world of freedom that we don't even realize. Because there is always tomorrow. 

Ok, maybe that was an odd topic. This post is just to say....that I will be starting tomorrow.