Whoops!

 Things were going better until they stopping going better.

I was eating better until I stopped eating better.

Life was calm until it stopped being calm.

Whoops.

Out of everything I have control over....I failed. I didn't ride my bike. I didn't eat healthy. I didn't focus on my health. 

What I did do was make the choice to stay off the bike. 

I chose. 

The good news is that things haven't been terrible. Yeah, the stress has been higher dealing with some family stuff. But overall, it has been pretty good. I won't be doing much these next few weeks because I will be moving. But I will be making the choice to once again pay attention to my nutrition and eat for the future. 

This weather has been great. Get out and ride. I will be out there soon!

Life gets out of hand quick

 The title says it all....Life gets out of hand quick.

I cannot believe its been 3 weeks since I posted a blog. Sheesh. But...my reason is that...life gets out of hand.

So what has been happening? Well, might be easier to say what hasn't. Riding hasn't been happening. Only a few rides in the last few weeks. I have a laundry list of excuses....but I am frankly tired of using them.

Life just is hard. Unfortunately,  I haven't made myself a priority. Even after I told myself I had to. I didn't. I neglected to do so. I forgot. I didn't want to. hmm.

None of the reasons matter. I just know that my goal of LJ100 is getting closer every day and I am not doing myself any favors by avoiding the work I need to accomplish.

The good news....I feel pretty good. I am still heavy, yes. But overall I am feeling pretty good and the levels of chaos are starting to flatten out some. I am getting back into the swing of things this week. Done a few rides already and have a solid day of chucking wood on Saturday. That will burn some calories. 

I have the entry email for Coast 2 Coast in my email still. I see it every day and I am close to pulling the trigger. If I do that event the weekend after LJ100 you can bet your ass that I will need to put myself in overdrive and get this weight off. 

I was more or less checking in today. I am alive and well. Hope all of you are as well. Just trying to get things under control...but life gets out of hand quick....

Solo Warnaar

I haven't ridden out here in a few months. But I really really wanted to ride my mountain bike and this trail is always a good time. There had been some major improvements since I was last out there. I was greeted by a brand paved entrance and redesigned parking lot.

It was not super early, and the trail head was fairly busy. I found a spot and geared up. I tore my car apart looking for my computer. Couldn't find it. I just decided to use my phone instead. I put my shoes on and tada...there was the Wahoo Edge I had been searching for. It was time to ride!

I headed out. On Saturday the trail runs in a counter-clockwise direction. Its not my favorite direction, but still a lot of fun. The dew was heavy on the grass and weeds as I got started. It was interesting to wander just a bit off the main trail and get sprayed with water off the tires. 

I wasn't even 5 minutes in when I felt a major pain. It was on my right leg, just above my knee on the back side. Boom. Bee sting. Are you kidding me?  I committed a murder shortly into my ride. 

It hurt, but I just kept riding. I was shocked by all the new trail I was finding. The workers have been super busy creating more trail and improving the existing trails. There was one spot in particular that I was happy to see a re-route. In the opposite direction you entered this area from a field...and rode literally right into the path of the disc golfers. Just along the path of their tees. From the direction I am riding, my back is to the tee so you don't really know if someone is there.

The re-route takes you away from the disc golf fairway and thru the trees so this is avoided. Well done gang!  Beyond that, there was more features added and I kept getting lost as to where I was. Not 'lost' in the sense of losing the trail. Just lost in that I couldn't place where I was on the trail because there was so much new!

I ended up riding 2 solid laps out there that day. It was a beautiful day to be on the bike. I took the time to just reconnect to the woods. It brings peace....even in the chaos of a bike ride. I was super relaxed after that ride.

I am getting there friends....one day at a time. 

 

Getting there

 It can be pretty amazing how your mindset effects your efforts. Since I made the decision to do LJ100 in 2023 I have ridden more miles. By more miles, I mean...I have nearly as many miles in the past 3 weeks as I had the previous 6 months.  

As I said before, the damage was done. However, I do notice that even with the lack of miles in my legs that I am bouncing back. I know I can't get on the bike and ride 100 miles right now. 50 would be a very bad idea. 40.....sure why not. Its not that much of a stretch over the 30 I have ridden recently. 

The perspective is the weird part. I need to remember to keep things in perspective. I didn't get where I am overnight. I did a little bit of damage every single day. Slowly making that number on the scale bigger. I need to reverse the process exactly the same way. 

The first step was pumping the brakes. I did that with a CTJ moment a while ago. I took that hard look at myself. At the end of the day, I am responsible for both the damage and the healing.

To that aspect, I am getting there. Mentally I know I will waver. I always do. But, I also know I have the capability to enforce the mental toughness on myself. I was in a terrible marriage for 20 years, I have 4 kids, I have what can be a stressful job at times. Life. I made it this far....so I know I am able. lol.

The key will be consistency. I did good for a few weeks and then struggled again for a few days. Struggling is ok. We all deal with it. But that reminds me of something I heard many many years ago. A friend of mine was really down in the dumps. And the hits kept coming. Then there was a death to someone very important to them. At the funeral you could see the struggle and could see my friend was at the breaking point. Another friend and I were chatting and he told me it was time to have a talk with our friend. We went to dinner after the funeral. My friend said one of the most profound things I have ever heard. He told my saddened friend this:

"I know you are struggling my friend. Here is what you need to do. I want you to go home and have a few days to yourself. I want you to deal with everything you are feeling. If you are down....get as far down as you can possibly go. Feel it. Deal with it. But then like a phoenix I want to see you rise. What you are going thru is real. I am not telling you to forget about it. I want you to deal with it and then dust yourself off and come back stronger. Its ok to feel your feelings and to be down. Just don't get stuck there"

I saw a transformation in my friend within a week. It was pretty amazing.

My point it....whatever we are dealing with is ours to deal with. Its how we deal with it that determines the outcome. Some people deal with things gracefully. Some people look like a dumpster fire but they keep pushing on. Either way, we deal.

So life will happen. But, I am getting there. Setbacks will happen. But I won't let them derail me. I can't let it happen....this is my life I am talking about. 

Keep pushing.

Solo Kal-Haven

Even though I was signed up for the Holland 100 I decided to defer. I emailed them weeks ago and told them that I wasn't going to be there and to use my entry as fund raising money.

I surely am not ready for 100. Yes, they have shorter distances. I understand that. I just am not in the frame of mind to be around over 1000 people.....and showing how real the struggle is.

So, I made plans to ride Kal-Haven instead. Knowing I needed to ride and wanting to get outside, this was a great choice. It did rain overnight, and it rained a LOT. But I figured I would drive down and check it out before just bailing out.

I loaded up and headed to Gobles. The plan was to ride from Gobles into Kalamazoo before heading back. A nice 26 mile out and back route. When I pulled into the parking area in Gobles there was an alarming number of vehicles present. This was just after 8am on a Saturday. Bravo people, bravo.

Right after I parked a few guys rode past headed toward South Haven. They were clean. I figured I was in business. I geared up and started out on the lonely jaunt to the 'Zoo.

Legs felt pretty good overall. I wasn't pushing very hard. Just riding. Found a pace and settled in. The trip was fairly uneventful. The miles just ticked by. The gravel base was solid other than a few minor greasy spots. The air was cool. My mind was wandering. I honestly cant tell you what I was thinking about. I don't know. It was just nice to be totally unplugged and cooking along.  I started to see a few people on bikes headed away from Kalamazoo. And the closer I got to 10th street, as usual, the more people I was starting to see. 

I got to the trailhead on 10th St and did a quick stock check. Everything seemed to be good. Swapped bottles around and started back to Gobles. 

As I was leaving the trail head I saw a group of people that had been walking. They were mulling around chatting and cleaning shoes. A lady goes "well you are headed back out for more??!" in a type of question statement voice. I just smiled and said "my car is still this way" and was on my way.

For those whom have never ridden this rail trail I will offer a bit of insight. From the 10th street trail head it is downhill for a long time. Not a steep intense major downhill. But a constant enough downhill that you can be cruising 20+ with minimal effort. This section really helps bulk the average speed ;)

I again found my mind wandering. I was comfortable on the bike and the pace was decent. Its funny, because its way slower than how fast I would prefer to ride. At this point, its all about the base. Speed is relative. All of a sudden, TURKEY. A hen was tucked in on the left side of the trail and she bolted when I got close. She ran across the trail and I braked enough to miss her. She figured it might be a good idea to race me after that. She turned parallel with the trail and was hauling ass down the tree line. I braked and yelled at her to get her ass out of the way. 

I feared for my life....

Anyway....where was I. Oh, I had about 6 or 7 miles to go. Still was feeling pretty good overall. But, legs were starting to get tired. I was 20 miles in, which shouldn't be a problem for me. My endurance has been on vacation for 6 months, so 20 miles was about enough. lol.

I rolled into Gobles with just under 27 miles. It was a great day to be out on the bike and back doing the sport I love...the sport that I always seem to turn my back on. 

But I was out there. And I will get there, one pedal stroke at a time. 

Set the goal for 2023

 Goals will generally help me stay motivated. Sure, last year the train went off the tracks, but goal of C2C kept me moving forward for a long time. 

The problem was, I don't think I believed I could do it. Yes, I set goals that are tough, but generally attainable. And if I miss the goal, its not the end of the world. Look at the Coast to Coast being 210 miles is surely daunting. But when I signed up I believed I could finish. Unfortunately the closer that event came the less confident I was. The closer it got, the less motivated I got. It was backwards. 

The first part of the 2021 was solid. I was finishing long races faster than I ever had in the past. Still, I wasn't losing weight and I was using a laundry list of excuses. Pretty typical of me....

Somewhere along the way during LJ100

I look back to 2015. This was the one and only time I ever attempted The Lumberjack 100. That year things were different. When I clicked the "register" button the whole vibe changed. That year was likely my best year for Mental toughness. Simply stated, I believed. 

Earned.

Its about time to come full circle. I am going to race and finish Lumberjack 100 in 2023. I have nearly a year to do what needs to be done. Mentally, I have to dig in and have that fortitude that I had in 2015. Pushing past doubt. Digging in when it hurts instead of giving up. Embracing the suck.

There are too many analogies to put them all down. So I will end this post. If you see me anytime soon please take note. In a year I will be transformed. I am going to ride more. I am hiring a coach again. I am going to be where I want to be.

Lets get to it.

The damage is done....

Not many people have seen me lately. Not going to lie....I tanked.

Mood left. Motivation left. Mass found me. 

The damage was done.....

However, it can be fixed.

In 2021 my season started great. I was riding a ton. I was hitting goals. I was winning at life. Unfortunately for me and my life....chaos always seems to ensue. That chaos came in the form of continued family issues. If you know me, family comes first. I give my all. Turn my focus to the issue. In turn....I lose myself.

The image above speaks volumes. Because I focus so much on getting thru the chaos I empty my cup. So the chaos is managed, and my mind is in turn chaotic. The image below goes hand in hand with the one above...

If you take care of yourself....filling your cup....you in turn have a full cup to pour out of. I always go back to what the airlines tell you to do in case of emergency. 

Step 1: place your mask on

Step 2: help others with their masks

The short story here is....if you don't get your mask on and you pass out, you are no good to anybody. You take care of yourself first and you are able to help others. Plain and simple.

It brings me back to how I got here. I allowed the scale to creep higher. I stopped riding. I have been trying to pour from an empty cup and all it does is make my cup bigger. Digging a deeper hole so to speak. The deeper the hole, the harder it is to get out of. Not impossible, just difficult.

But when have I ever done things the easy way....sigh.

So its time to reload. Get back to the basics. Ride. Sleep. Eat less. Eat Better. Ride. 

That combo will get me where I need to be. Sure the damage is done. The hole is dug. But now its time to get back on track with myself. I will still have that chaos, but I need to manage it better. And in that management, remember that I am important too. I am no good to anyone if I am under the dirt. 

I plan to do LJ100 again in 2023. This gives me just under a year to be where I want to be.

Care to join me?

2022, here we go

 Can we just agree to not talk about the past 2 years? 

Ok?

Moving on....

That being said...I do need to recap what happened to my year that was before this one. 

I had a very good first half of the year. Mileage goals were tracking and I was confident to have my best year ever. Then thins slowed a bit. Family events arose that surely needed my attention more than a silly 2 wheeled machine. However, I allowed the events that occurred to completely derail my year. I stopped looking at the bike as an outlet, and sank into my own depression.

The year wore on....and my concerns were still drawn away from the bike. Yes, I still should have been riding....self care. But I used the family events as an excuse. Self care was gone. I tanked mentally and gave up on my yearly goals.

I snuck a ride in now and then, but it wasn't enough. My priorities were where they needed to be...but once again I neglected myself. But, mentally I am doing good overall. Things have calmed down and returned to a semblance of normal.

So that brings me to this year. Already I have ridden more this month than in the last 3 combined. But this year will be different. No big events. Possibly no events at all. Just riding. Just having fun. Just getting out there and being with friends and family and being me. 

I still love the bike. I am even putting Albert back together and hope to get out and ride this winter season. For my own peace of mind, the bike is the outlet I need to deal with this crazy ass world we are living in. So I will be out there....likely churning away one slow pedal stroke at a time. Eventually that slow will turn into what it once was....a steady diesel train approach. I might never be lightning quick, but I will always get to the end.

Hope to see y'all out there!